Teens exercising alone: What are your family rules? (for boys & girls)

[unsinkable]

What are your family rules for teens who bike, run and take walks for exercise?

 

Are they allowed to do this alone? Do they have a certain distance they can go or length of time? Do you insist they take a cell phone? Do you have different rules for your boys and girls? What if they take the family dog?

 

I am struggling a bit with teens who want to be independent and safety.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, I don't have teens, yet, but I think if I knew exactly where they were going, and I considered it to be relatively safe, I would let them go. I may provide them with cell phones for emergencies, too.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds12 runs every morning around 9 am. He does not take a cell phone. I know his route. Part of his route goes through a wooded area - if he was a girl, I would change his route so that it did not go through the woods. Most of the route is on suburban streets where I feel that he could yell for help easily if needed.

[Needleroozer]

I still really like mine to go together as we don't live in the best neighborhood, but do let them go alone. I feel better about my Girl riding her bike alone than I do her jogging alone. My Boy is old enough that he goes all sorts of places alone- walking, city bus, etc., but I still protect the Girl a bit, and encourage her brother to do the same. They both have cell phones with them at all times when away from the house.

[Mergath]

It would probably depend on the area. Where I spent my childhood, sure, no problem. Where I went to college, no way in h***.

 

What, exactly, is your biggest concern about this? Are you worried about them being mugged or something, or are you worried about something happening as a result of the exercise?

[Mabelen]

I would struggle with this too. Just a couple of months ago a girl was raped and killed around a lake in a community park in a very safe part of our city. The criminal was a registered sex offender out early for good behavior. It happened around 3.00 in the afternoon right after school. By 5.00 in the evening her parents knew there had been foul play and a search was launched but it was too late. She had left her cell phone in her car, but I don't know what good it would have done her, she was probably overpowered right away, she was of slight build and he was much more powerful.

[Kim in Appalachia]

They can stick around the house, biking or running around our block, but not around town.

 

While we live in a town that some may describe as Mayberrish, Mayberry it is not. There are a lot of unemployed, drug addicted men that do nothing but hang out all day, mostly hung over or high.

 

I run at the park, in the open area, where there is a track. We have a nice nature trail that is great to run or bike, but I will not go alone because I have watched what men go back there, and I know what they are doing.

 

Even the open area of the park can be interesting. I considered myself a one woman drug force last winter. I would run and certain parked cars would leave if I ran in their area more than once. :tongue_smilie:

 

I will not let my kids, even teenagers, out of my sight. Maybe I just know too much about where I live.

[lllll]

...

[gingersmom]

My 13 year old does not like to bike ride alone so she is always with a friend or I sit outside and watch her.

 

I live in an extremely safe/nice neighborhood but I still would not want her walking around/biking alone. Even when she bikes with friends I have her take her cell phone with her.

[happyhomemaker25]

I have struggled with this question. My oldest will turn 13 soon and it has been really hard for me to discern how much "freedom" to give her in the neighborhood. I was thinking of letting her ride her bike around the neighborhood (subdivision) but then we had a little girl abducted and raped walking home from school not to long ago.

Such a conflict for me. At her age I was all over the neghborhood (non subdivision) until the street lights came on.

[6packofun]

I let my teens ride bikes around our neighborhood because there are no main roads, BUT anyone wanting to walk/jog must go with a sibling who walks or rollerblades/bikes/uses a scooter beside them. I've taught my kids to always have roving, observant eyes...we've practiced it when out together so by the time they are teens they trust no one. LOL!! Kidding, sort of.

Edited April 18, 2010 by 6packofun
misspelling

[LibraryLover]

My oldest dd is a runner. She takes her cell phone, and runs on main roads. We have marked each of her loops, and know how long each particular loop will take. We live in an area where the streets are clogged with runnners, walkers, bikers etc. ;) It's sickening, since I am not a runner. lol The front of my house looks like Grand Central on the weekends especially.

Edited April 18, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Jennifer in MI]

I think it really depends on where you live. We are in a VERY safe area. My 13 yo boy runs a few times each week alone. He tells us how far he's running and I know when to expect him. Many times a week, I am out with him. He's much faster than I am, so I cheer him on as I see him, but I like seeing him!

 

My 12 yo trained for a few 5Ks last year alone. My 9yo trained with me.

 

I think I'd allow my dd. along these same routes alone.

[Crimson Wife]

My kids are young, but when they are high school aged I think I would be okay with daytime solo exercise so long as they carry a cell & stay on the sidewalks in populated neighborhoods. The crime rate here is very low and the handful of reported s*xual assaults are date r*pe situations rather than stranger jumping out of the bushes type situations.

[TravelingChris]

Mine are allowed but have to take the cellphones. We live in a very low crime area and no registered sex offenders live near us. Furthermore, our area, while wooded, doesn't usually have the typical deviants victims running by so those creepos tend to go to running paths that are much more popular (Bike to Rail paths, paths in congested areas, etc). I have been monitoring reports in this area and my initial thoughts about where the criminals would attack has been confirmed.

[Laurie4b]

I don't let my boys go until they are man-sized. While they are still growing, I have them go together. We live in an area that is low crime BUT it is also rather isolated. The houses are far back from the road and it's very wooded. Someone could definitely grab a kid here and get out of the neighborhood without being seen and onto a major highway in short order. I also don't let them do anything with a predictable routine.

 

As a grown woman, I do not walk alone other than in very well-populated areas. I don't walk alone in our neighborhood, even with our dog (big, but a scaredy cat.) My parents let me run around by myself and I was mildly sexually assaulted twice in our very upscale but rural neighborhood--one time a guy on a motorcycle reached out and swatted me on the butt; another time--much more serious--a friend and I were at the creek at the edge of the neighborhood and a guy parked on the road between us and the neighborhood and came down and groped first my friend then me. It was two teenaged girls, our young sisters and two dogs and the guy still tried that. I punched him and he left. :tongue_smilie: Despite that, I used walk alone when I was in college, then one day was passed in a wooded area by a guy alone He just kept going, but it occurred to me what could have happened if he'd been a bad guy. I stopped walking alone. :(

 

Here's a website with decent data: http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/nismart2_nonfamily.pdf

[Gratia271]

One piece of advice we were given was to make sure to change the routes, times etc. because "people" watch for patterns of behavior. Varying the routine keeps others guessing.

[Lolly]

Mine are allowed to run, bike, walk on their own from about 8 on. They must stay in the neighborhood until they are about 12 (unless they have special permission to go further). I expect them to be home at meal times or call. They do usually have their cell phones on them but find it difficult to carry it while biking. My licensed driver may exercise elsewhere (parks and such) if she wishes, but she must let me know whenever she makes a stop somewhere.

Edited April 18, 2010 by Lolly

[RoughCollie]

We still use the buddy system.

[Peela]

Where I live, in an Australian city near beautiful walking paths a long a river, yes, I let both my kids exercise alone. But, it is probably influenced by the fact that where we all exercise is fairly open area, and frequented by people- you would not often be out of sight. Also, dd tends to take a dog with her.

I think it would depend a lot on the area. If we lived near a lot of secluded bushland and thats where we exercised- and we could, there is plenty around in our area- I would have dd15 take a personal alarm, the dog, or pepper spray.

Ds14- I would be less concerned.

Both kids frequently go off on bike rides a fair way away. I dont restrict that. I think its an important part of teenagerhood to have that sort of freedom. And there are risks involved. I hope they have enough common sense not to get into an difficulties. I do talk to them both about "trusting their gut feelings" about people and situations.

[Laura Corin]

My nine and thirteen year olds run and bike for exercise. They have to keep to minor roads, Hobbes has to stop his bike at junctions and they need to tell me roughly how long they will be gone. Hobbes got lost on a hike last week and I got a call from a distant farmhouse to come and get him. He behaved very sensibly - I was proud of him.

 

Laura

[Jane in NC]

My now eighteen year old son has been biking, roller blading, walking on his own since at least ten, I think. It has been a while obviously. When he was younger, he would bike to a friend's house. Around twelve, I would encourage him to go for an afternoon skate to spend some of that extra energy--something he did by himself.

 

At twelve, the buddy system was used for longer distances, such as going to the tennis courts or the Dairy Queen. By fourteen, I had complete confidence in my son's independent wanderings. That said, he was fairly predictable, so even without a cell I could usually figure out where he was if I had to find him (or wanted to check up on him).

 

We live in a safe place. People also know us.

 

I had no trouble putting my son on a plane at age 17 to visit colleges by himself. He knows how to use public transportation, ask for directions, make good decisions. This is a skill which I think begins in one's own neighborhood.

Edited April 19, 2010 by Jane in NC

[Carrie12345]

My 11yo jogs around the block (1/2 mile each lap) on his own. He started doing that over a year ago. In the beginning, I'd be outside to make sure there wasn't an abnormally long amount of time passing, but that's about it.

 

He's been asking to go to the mailbox cluster on his own, but I'm not *quite ready for that yet (about 3/4 mile each way).

 

We live in a rural gated community, but that doesn't stop "bad people" (including sex offenders) from moving in.

Still, I feel it's important to find a compromise between free-range parenting and hypervigilance.

 

We lock our doors, but anyone can break a window.

We own realistic-looking bb guns, but not real guns.

We have guard dogs, but not attack dogs.

(And I could go on and on about the smaller compromises we make.)

So, I certainly value safety, but I also don't want fear to take over my family.

[Retired]

I live in a very rural area so my boys have more freedom than when we lived in the city.

 

When we lived in the city they could bike and walk (never along) with friends but had to stay on our block.

 

We live out now and my 13 year old goes about 2 miles from the house walking/biking alone but has a 2 way radio (walky/talky). The boys together have gone on 5 miles excurision togethers.

 

Just recently my 16 year old biked 22 miles (yeah!) this is his sports. He has a phone.

[Nan in Mass]

At home, when they were small, we used the buddy system for anything that we were worried about, like going camping on their own. I watched them like hawks in public when they were toddlers to keep them from falling off the dock or having something bad happen to them. They were allowed to walk around the neighborhood (very safe) when they were about 5. At 8 or 9 (big enough to drag the kayak up on the beach and relaunch it), they were kayaking across the lake and walking to visit friends in town. They weren't allowed on the one busy road in town, since there is no margin and a steep bank next to it so you are walking with the high speed cars. Even as teens, they didn't like walking it, although they sometimes did. They found a way through the woods that avoided the worst parts. They've camped on their own from about 14 or 16. They could take the dinghy exploring on their own when we were sailing as soon as they were big enough to handle the oars (somewhere around 8). The first few years they had to stay in sight, but after that, they could go where they pleased (with warnings not to get themselves stuck in the mud if the tide went out). Somewhere between 11 and 14 they began peacewalking. This involved walking long distances, like from Boston to DC, sometimes in foreign countries. The group of adults tries to keep half an eye on them, but nobody stops them from exploring a town once they arrive unless they know it is unsafe. Children have more freedom of movement in Japan and the part of Europe they were in, it seems. I'm sure they've had some adventures, but they also have learned how to stay out of trouble. They don't have cell phones. Their strategy is to ask a likely looking adult if they can borrow theirs, if they need one. We deliberately haven't given them phones because although there have been occasions when one would have been nice, there have been far more occasions when having one would have provided a false sense of security and discouraged them from learning how to take care of themselves. At 18, we provided phones, since by then they were driving hither and yon and often staying with friends. The phone made it easy for them to stay in touch and let us know their plans. They needed them for college, anyway. They know how to take planes and trains and subways. The two older ones backpacked around Europe last summer. Most of the time, we didn't even know which country they were in.

 

As Jane said, this strategy has produced very competent teenagers who have done things that many adults would find hard. They've dealt with foreign languages, different cultures, and many different types of people. They've come across a few bad ones, but know that most people are trying to be good people.

 

Remember that thread about how Thomas Jefferson was educated, when people were wishing that their children could have the opportunities to do hard things and develop into responsible, competent adults? I think a certain amount of freedom to take risks is part of developing that.

 

Not that I don't worry... My oldest is taking a friend's small sailboat home from college, his first trip of that length in a boat on his own with friends, and I will definately be watching the weather SIGH. We've taught him how to do it safely, though.

 

-Nan

[Halftime Hope]

I won't let dd17, who is of slight build and attractive, run by herself in our neighborhood, although it is a "safe" feeling one, because there is immediate access to a state highway, and she could be snatched and gone in 20 seconds. Very few people are home during business hours, so yelling for help would be futile. She has to go with ds15 if she wants to go.

 

She can walk to and from classes on the large local university campus, because there are a gazillion people there, and someone would see if a girl was being dragged off against her will. If she is on campus at night in the painting studio, we ask her to get a friend or buddy to exit the poorly lit Fine Arts Annex and walk her to her car.

 

OTOH, she flew to PA and LAX for college visit weekends this year by herself, navigated airports and airport shuttles, and did just fine.

 

We went to Spain together last summer, and she learned a *boatload* about pickpockets and general "not-marking-yourself-as-a-desirable-target" behavior. We saw two pickpocketings happen, and another young woman was at the hotel desk dealing with the aftermath of having her wallet lifted in Barcelona. It was pretty sobering for dd, who I'm pretty sure had wondered if my preparations/mindset weren't bit over the top. I was thankful for what she learned without my having to lecture. ;)

 

Next year she'll be on a campus surrounded by crummy neighborhoods. We're going to have some interesting talks this summer.

Edited April 19, 2010 by Valerie(TX)