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How candid are you with your dc's teachers, and how is that working out for you?


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I do wish you well with your children's academic journey! As I mentioned in a previous post, I admire your ambition, I just don't agree with your methods.

 

 

Fair enough! I'm curious, then, how would you go about trying to ensure that your bright kids continue to make progress in a classroom far below their ability level? I have promises from my teachers that they will give them additional work, pull them (along with the other advanced kids) aside when possible, insist they read appropriately challenging literature, etc, but at this point in the year it's not happening so much anymore. I know that, and I'm comfortable giving my teachers subtle reminders ("How is the advanced math group going?") because I have a relationship with them due to my being in the classroom so much.

 

How would you hold them accountable?

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Breann, I do admire your assertiveness and your more organized style of afterschooling, even though I might not be able to pull either one off.

 

I think I've been in the same position, with bright/TAG kids and a school system that is focused on the struggling kids with no home support. There are some amazing teachers at my kids' school, especially in the lower grades. But as the grades progress the focus increases on academic work that can be pretty boring if not challenging. (In the lower grades there's a lot of sweet, creative and openended stuff that anyone can enjoy.) Many teachers don't feel that they have the bandwidth to deal with challenging the advanced kids.

 

I pushed for years for the overall school to adopt ability grouping, since it is the easiest way for the teachers to implement differentiation. I (and other parents) would be very happy to volunteer or buy supplies for an upper math or reading group, etc. The administration is now bought in, but the individual teachers are extremely resistant. They don't like how it breaks out in terms of race, class etc. And we don't have any TAG pullouts any more.

 

So I'm kind of giving up. We're moving my oldest to private school next year. If that hadn't worked out we were going to move him to a gifted or academically focused magnet, since that seems the only place where there's appropriate instruction for advanced kids.

 

Sorry to hijack with such a long post, but it is good to connect with others in similar boats. I do feel afterschooling has helped a lot -- my older gets pretty depressed if he feels that there isn't any intellectual stimulation in his life. But we've tended to sort of unschool it -- since he has so much busywork, I hate to add more worksheets at least during the school year.

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Can you offer to run a book club for the students that read well? I handed my son's teacher Deconstructing Penguins and she started one herself. Can you send in math work for times when they are finished early? This would free you up from doing so much in the afternoon.

 

My son has a list of questions/research that he keeps at school. If he finishes more than a few minutes early, he is sent to library to "solve a problem," of his own interest and then he usually presents it to his class.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for specific teachers that will creatively encourage your child.

 

It will be very difficult to keep them challenged if they are far ahead. Do you have academic magnets, or charter schools? Is there a private school that groups by level, rather than age?

 

What math does your school use?

Edited by Jan in SC
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I volunteer a couple of days a week and like you, I think my kids' education is more important than being liked by the teachers or the administration.

 

The thing is, if you tell the teachers that you are there to observe them, that puts them on the defensive.

 

I agree. I'd venture a guess that you will be told your help won't be needed. It not right away, then the first time you voice a concern. Our school implemented a reading program that heavily relied on parent volunteers. The three of us that I know of who expressed strong concerns about the program at different times were all suddenly not needed because the teacher was going to be able to handle it all.

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Since day one in public school, I've made a huge effort to spend time in my dc's classrooms. I spend nearly two full days each week at the school, my intention being that I know what they're learning. There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't hear something in the classroom or elsewhere in the school that doesn't make me glad I'm there.

 

But after two and a half years of letting teachers send me to the copy room far too often, I've decided that my new approach will be much more candid. Instead of merely stating that I prefer working in the classroom, I'm going in next year with, "I'm here to listen. If I can be helpful at the same time, great!"

 

Anyone else take this much more honest and open approach? How's that working out for you as far as the treatment and/or attitude from your teachers? I'm curious because I'm also employed at the school part-time, so these people are also my coworkers.

 

I have read the rest of the thread, but wanted to come back to comment on your original post.

 

First of all, we have a lot in common! I also have advanced kids who need more challenge, teachers who say they agree & want to do more, a desire to homeschool, AND a dh that is totally opposed. We tried homeschooling last year with our oldest--and it was great--but the need (dh...ds, too) to be 'normal' like everyone else won out. :glare: I am pretty happy with most of the curriculum at our younger kids' school (Saxon math, Shurley English, Core Knowledge history/science/art/literature/music) but I feel completely clueless at the junior high...seriously, the only way they want parental involvement is on the PTA...so you can bring refreshments to the dances.

 

So...I totally get where you are coming from. And I think you are doing an awesome job! I think it's great to be so involved in the classroom (especially as it sounds like your school encourages & appreciates this) and also think it's great to be so helpful to the teachers.

 

I can understand your frustration with being sent to the copy room or other such things, when what you'd really like to be doing is being in the classroom. Your original post asked for how others of us have handled this. I have also felt like it is better to be direct with the teachers, but haven't wanted to burn bridges or cause problems...yet, I need to get my points across & be involved.

 

Here's what I do: I say quite directly that I want to be IN the classroom...helping in any way she needs me to...but my reason is because I want to be watching my child & her interactions wtih classmates, her work habits, her behavior, etc. (Not that we have behavior problems)....But I just approach it from a different angle--not that I want to watch the TEACHER specifically (even though I do like to see her in action, but it's not my main goal)--but that I would like to be in the classroom to observe my daughter & her interactions. I offer to take a small group aside, teach whole-class, read storytime books, grade papers, cut things out, etc. But I'm pretty direct that I'd really prefer to be in the classroom while doing these things...just to get a feel for how things are going with my child. So far my teachers have understood and love to have my help. Our school also encourages parental involvement and we are welcome to come into the classroom at any time.

 

My reason isn't to be a 'helicopter' parent either. But there is something about being there & watching & knowing what is happening...observing as the year goes by and seeing how things work within the classroom. I personally love getting to know the other kids better, too.

 

Now, having said that, I can't imagine being there more than one morning a week plus special events (field trips, assemblies, parties, etc)...mostly because I have a dd2 that keeps me from doing so. But if I were to spend so much time there, I'd want to get paid! (As it sounds like you are doing!)

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Here's what I do: I say quite directly that I want to be IN the classroom...helping in any way she needs me to...but my reason is because I want to be watching my child & her interactions wtih classmates, her work habits, her behavior, etc. (Not that we have behavior problems)....But I just approach it from a different angle--not that I want to watch the TEACHER specifically (even though I do like to see her in action, but it's not my main goal)--but that I would like to be in the classroom to observe my daughter & her interactions. I offer to take a small group aside, teach whole-class, read storytime books, grade papers, cut things out, etc. But I'm pretty direct that I'd really prefer to be in the classroom while doing these things...just to get a feel for how things are going with my child. So far my teachers have understood and love to have my help. Our school also encourages parental involvement and we are welcome to come into the classroom at any time.

 

Teachers at our school really vary on how much parental involvement they want. I offered to help when one of my kids was in kindergarten and the teacher had me tutor several struggling students. When I saw what kinds of activities she wanted with them I would bring in some of my own games and our Geosafari and she was great with that. We've also had very capable teachers that didn't want any help beyond class parties and field trips.

 

I was also up front with the teachers that I preferred a more active role and specifically mentioned tutoring because I really liked doing it. It usually landed me outside the classroom door in a commons area instead, but that was good enough for me.

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I'm up to page 2 but wanted to chime in here. At my DS's would-be PS (we're full-time HSers after being full-fledged afterschoolers), it was commonly known that by 3rd grade, the school cuts the cord. In 3rd grade, you can't even walk the cupcakes to the classroom for a bday party, you have to leave them at the front door. Even this is teacher dependent. There are several K and 1st grade teachers which cut the cord at K and 1st and do not allow any parents in the classroom - not even for parties.

 

Interesting what I read about FERPA laws. My friend volunteered in the classroom and did reading assessments. So she knew the reading level of most of the kids in the class. She said she was uncomfortable knowing that other parents would know so much about her DD.

 

I volunteered in my son's classroom quite a bit doing science w/ them. I never said anything to anyone about any of the kids....not even anything positive. I had one mom point blank ask me about her DD and I told her how polite, and sweet her DD was (true) but that I wouldn't tell her anything negative...wasn't my place. She told me I had better tell her the negative stuff lol. I reiterated that it wasn't my place and I wanted to protect my being able to be in the classroom.

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Can you offer to run a book club for the students that read well? I handed my son's teacher Deconstructing Penguins and she started one herself. Can you send in math work for times when they are finished early? This would free you up from doing so much in the afternoon.

 

My son has a list of questions/research that he keeps at school. If he finishes more than a few minutes early, he is sent to library to "solve a problem," of his own interest and then he usually presents it to his class.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for specific teachers that will creatively encourage your child.

 

It will be very difficult to keep them challenged if they are far ahead. Do you have academic magnets, or charter schools? Is there a private school that groups by level, rather than age?

 

What math does your school use?

 

 

The book club idea is one I hadn't thought of. That's an interesting idea.

 

I think the rest of the suggestions are already in place. Our school is very good about honoring parent requests for teachers, so I have been able to select my kids' teachers each year. I do feel I have the best ones in each grade this year.

 

The problem with dd (which we're discovering now that she's attending the gifted program) is that she's lost quite a bit of her self-motivation. She's content to read easy books in class and rarely gets out her Saxon worksheets to complete while she waits for the class to finish lessons. She's become very accustomed to things coming quickly and easily and her interest in focusing or initiating additional work has diminished significantly. In her gifted classroom, the work is challenging, the expectations are high, her classmates can compete with her. I'm SO thankful she has that.

 

Unfortunately, we don't have any charter or magnet schools, and dh refuses to pay for a private education when a public one is available.

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I have read the rest of the thread, but wanted to come back to comment on your original post.

 

First of all, we have a lot in common! I also have advanced kids who need more challenge, teachers who say they agree & want to do more, a desire to homeschool, AND a dh that is totally opposed. We tried homeschooling last year with our oldest--and it was great--but the need (dh...ds, too) to be 'normal' like everyone else won out. :glare: I am pretty happy with most of the curriculum at our younger kids' school (Saxon math, Shurley English, Core Knowledge history/science/art/literature/music) but I feel completely clueless at the junior high...seriously, the only way they want parental involvement is on the PTA...so you can bring refreshments to the dances.

 

So...I totally get where you are coming from. And I think you are doing an awesome job! I think it's great to be so involved in the classroom (especially as it sounds like your school encourages & appreciates this) and also think it's great to be so helpful to the teachers.

 

I can understand your frustration with being sent to the copy room or other such things, when what you'd really like to be doing is being in the classroom. Your original post asked for how others of us have handled this. I have also felt like it is better to be direct with the teachers, but haven't wanted to burn bridges or cause problems...yet, I need to get my points across & be involved.

 

Here's what I do: I say quite directly that I want to be IN the classroom...helping in any way she needs me to...but my reason is because I want to be watching my child & her interactions wtih classmates, her work habits, her behavior, etc. (Not that we have behavior problems)....But I just approach it from a different angle--not that I want to watch the TEACHER specifically (even though I do like to see her in action, but it's not my main goal)--but that I would like to be in the classroom to observe my daughter & her interactions. I offer to take a small group aside, teach whole-class, read storytime books, grade papers, cut things out, etc. But I'm pretty direct that I'd really prefer to be in the classroom while doing these things...just to get a feel for how things are going with my child. So far my teachers have understood and love to have my help. Our school also encourages parental involvement and we are welcome to come into the classroom at any time.

 

My reason isn't to be a 'helicopter' parent either. But there is something about being there & watching & knowing what is happening...observing as the year goes by and seeing how things work within the classroom. I personally love getting to know the other kids better, too.

 

Now, having said that, I can't imagine being there more than one morning a week plus special events (field trips, assemblies, parties, etc)...mostly because I have a dd2 that keeps me from doing so. But if I were to spend so much time there, I'd want to get paid! (As it sounds like you are doing!)

 

Teachers at our school really vary on how much parental involvement they want. I offered to help when one of my kids was in kindergarten and the teacher had me tutor several struggling students. When I saw what kinds of activities she wanted with them I would bring in some of my own games and our Geosafari and she was great with that. We've also had very capable teachers that didn't want any help beyond class parties and field trips.

 

I was also up front with the teachers that I preferred a more active role and specifically mentioned tutoring because I really liked doing it. It usually landed me outside the classroom door in a commons area instead, but that was good enough for me.

 

 

Thanks, ladies! That's what I was looking for with this thread!

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Breann, I wanted to say that I understand your issues, and I know what it is like to try to get acceleration from a public school. I deal with it in many ways. Until middle school, my kids always had a math book in their bag. After doing the school math for review, they do their own math. In middle school, my oldest took 6,7, and 8th grade maths in two years. The he moved onto accelerated high school classes and will have 12 credits of calculus from Georgia Tech before graduating high school through distance learning. They study the same science/social studies as the rest of the kids, but they do the reading at a higher level. I provide some of the resources, and the teachers often have resources for them to use. Reading is done independently, so it isn't much of an issue. My nine year old sometimes reads the class the read aloud book. He also sometimes reads along with what the other kids read because he hasn't read every book in the world, and there are many interesting books below his current reading level that he missed.

 

I also think there needs to be changes in public education, so I became a certified teacher. I teach at an urban high school and am working with the local university on changing their teacher prep program. We have a five year multimillion dollar grant. We are completely overhauling the program, including bringing college classes into our schools.

 

Well, I am not sure what any of it has to do with your original post, but I thought you might like fellow moms in the trenches to reply. Good luck.

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Breann, I wanted to say that I understand your issues, and I know what it is like to try to get acceleration from a public school. I deal with it in many ways. Until middle school, my kids always had a math book in their bag. After doing the school math for review, they do their own math. In middle school, my oldest took 6,7, and 8th grade maths in two years. The he moved onto accelerated high school classes and will have 12 credits of calculus from Georgia Tech before graduating high school through distance learning. They study the same science/social studies as the rest of the kids, but they do the reading at a higher level. I provide some of the resources, and the teachers often have resources for them to use. Reading is done independently, so it isn't much of an issue. My nine year old sometimes reads the class the read aloud book. He also sometimes reads along with what the other kids read because he hasn't read every book in the world, and there are many interesting books below his current reading level that he missed.

 

I also think there needs to be changes in public education, so I became a certified teacher. I teach at an urban high school and am working with the local university on changing their teacher prep program. We have a five year multimillion dollar grant. We are completely overhauling the program, including bringing college classes into our schools.

 

Well, I am not sure what any of it has to do with your original post, but I thought you might like fellow moms in the trenches to reply. Good luck.

 

 

Thank you, Caroline! I do want to hear from others in my situation (sometimes I feel like I need to), and especially about how you've become involved in the change. I've considered a career after homeschooling that has nothing to do with my college degree (Interior Design) which now sounds so unfulfulling and superficial. Hindsight's 20/20 I guess. I had no idea then that I would fall into homeschooling and become interested in education reform.

 

I've thought about getting "inside" by becomming a teacher and eventually working up the ladder in order to have more of an effect, but I honestly don't know if I could stomach the politics and beauracracy. All I know is that I'm able to do what I'm doing now - taking care of my own dc, having an impact on those kiddos I come in direct contact with through volunteering and working at the school, and creating awareness about what I see. If I had dh's support, I know I could do more, but it is what is.

 

Thanks for your post.

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I haven't been on the boards in days, but I had to comment on this one. I feel exactly as you do about it being my responsibility to make sure my kids are getting the education they deserve. But after two years now of trying to make sure that happens at school, I've given up and am basically relegating the bulk of their education to afterschooling. I have not had much luck getting a warm reception from the teachers or principal when trying to advocate for my kids. Instead, I get the impression that they see me as annoying and that the less information they give me, the better it is for them. I also began to see them taking out their hostility toward me on my older son in particular. Not in a direct fashion that I can confront, but in more subtle ways. That wasn't worth it to me, so I just have to do what I can at home.

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I haven't been on the boards in days, but I had to comment on this one. I feel exactly as you do about it being my responsibility to make sure my kids are getting the education they deserve. But after two years now of trying to make sure that happens at school, I've given up and am basically relegating the bulk of their education to afterschooling. I have not had much luck getting a warm reception from the teachers or principal when trying to advocate for my kids. Instead, I get the impression that they see me as annoying and that the less information they give me, the better it is for them. I also began to see them taking out their hostility toward me on my older son in particular. Not in a direct fashion that I can confront, but in more subtle ways. That wasn't worth it to me, so I just have to do what I can at home.

 

:( I'm so sorry. I thought my dd received that treatment from her teacher in 1st grade. She was on the verge of retirement and didn't exactly embrace my questioning her. She was also the worst we've had yet. I feel very lucky this year and can only hope to be so lucky as the years go on.

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I haven't been on the boards in days, but I had to comment on this one. I feel exactly as you do about it being my responsibility to make sure my kids are getting the education they deserve. But after two years now of trying to make sure that happens at school, I've given up and am basically relegating the bulk of their education to afterschooling. I have not had much luck getting a warm reception from the teachers or principal when trying to advocate for my kids. Instead, I get the impression that they see me as annoying and that the less information they give me, the better it is for them. I also began to see them taking out their hostility toward me on my older son in particular. Not in a direct fashion that I can confront, but in more subtle ways. That wasn't worth it to me, so I just have to do what I can at home.

 

That's the kind of thing that made me give the advice I did earlier in this thread. It does not pay to tick off the people who are watching over your child. It shouldn't matter, but often it does.

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That's the kind of thing that made me give the advice I did earlier in this thread. It does not pay to tick off the people who are watching over your child. It shouldn't matter, but often it does.

 

 

I know. That's something I watch carefully for. Thankfully, I'm the one watching over them! No, I'm not there all the time, but I am as vigilant as possible and I teach them to think critically and recognize certain things (in a very indirect way, of course).

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"If you aren't in the restaurant kitchen supervising, how do you know that the food is prepared in a safe, sanitary matter?" Or, "If you don't watch your mechanic and supervise what he is doing, how do you know that you car is being properly repaired?" I actually don't know the answer to those questions. I guess on some level I am trusting - when I think about it, it's an amazing trust because if the car's not fixed properly, my children and I could perish.

 

I am a big believer in parental involvement. My older son was always in school - never homeschooled, and I always felt like teachers were happy to have volunteers. I did like to observe the class and see how things were going and of course I met with the teachers outside of class from time to time and talked about my child's individual needs and what was going well and what needed improvement (from his end and the teachers').

 

But if in a basic way, I didn't trust the teacher to do the best she could for all the students, I wouldn't leave my child there.

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"If you aren't in the restaurant kitchen supervising, how do you know that the food is prepared in a safe, sanitary matter?" Or, "If you don't watch your mechanic and supervise what he is doing, how do you know that you car is being properly repaired?" I actually don't know the answer to those questions. I guess on some level I am trusting - when I think about it, it's an amazing trust because if the car's not fixed properly, my children and I could perish.

 

I am a big believer in parental involvement. My older son was always in school - never homeschooled, and I always felt like teachers were happy to have volunteers. I did like to observe the class and see how things were going and of course I met with the teachers outside of class from time to time and talked about my child's individual needs and what was going well and what needed improvement (from his end and the teachers').

 

But if in a basic way, I didn't trust the teacher to do the best she could for all the students, I wouldn't leave my child there.

 

Well put!

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"If you aren't in the restaurant kitchen supervising, how do you know that the food is prepared in a safe, sanitary matter?" Or, "If you don't watch your mechanic and supervise what he is doing, how do you know that you car is being properly repaired?" I actually don't know the answer to those questions. I guess on some level I am trusting - when I think about it, it's an amazing trust because if the car's not fixed properly, my children and I could perish.

 

I am a big believer in parental involvement. My older son was always in school - never homeschooled, and I always felt like teachers were happy to have volunteers. I did like to observe the class and see how things were going and of course I met with the teachers outside of class from time to time and talked about my child's individual needs and what was going well and what needed improvement (from his end and the teachers').

 

But if in a basic way, I didn't trust the teacher to do the best she could for all the students, I wouldn't leave my child there.

 

 

:iagree: My sentiments, exactly.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Would offering to do some enrichment activities with the children who aren't being challenged be something that you could do?

 

I know when I was teaching there were so many things that I wanted to be able to do, but there just wasn't enough time or energy to implement them all, resulting in some hard choices that unfortunately did result in some children not being challenged as much as they could have been in a different environment. Honestly, I probably fell into the category of your children's teachers, making promises at the beginning of the year that I was increasingly unable to keep as the year progressed. Chances are the teachers know that they're not keeping up, and are possibly quite frustrated about it.

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This is a lot, a LOT, of time and energy being expended by you to pacify your husband. Not to mention six hours/day, 180 days/year of your children's precious time. Plus all the afterschooling hours they would not have to put in if they were not spending their days in school.

 

I wouldn't want to deep-six an otherwise good marriage over school issues, either. But there is no form of volunteer involvement that is going to meet your kids' needs as you perceive them. So it's a choice between hubby's preference and kids' needs - in other words, no choice at all. Either decide that the need is adequately met by afterschooling and let yourself off the hook for the hours of 9-3, or decide to insist on homeschooling and accept the possible consequence.

 

Your agenda is not consistent with what classroom volunteering is all about. You're a homeschooler. Homeschool.

 

I'm pretty sure you won't appreciate this post, but honest to Pete, it's like watching somebody drown. The need to point out the direction to the lifeboat is overwhelming.

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This is a lot, a LOT, of time and energy being expended by you to pacify your husband. Not to mention six hours/day, 180 days/year of your children's precious time. Plus all the afterschooling hours they would not have to put in if they were not spending their days in school.

 

 

 

True.

 

I wouldn't want to deep-six an otherwise good marriage over school issues, either. But there is no form of volunteer involvement that is going to meet your kids' needs as you perceive them. So it's a choice between hubby's preference and kids' needs - in other words, no choice at all. Either decide that the need is adequately met by afterschooling and let yourself off the hook for the hours of 9-3, or decide to insist on homeschooling and accept the possible consequence.

 

 

 

No.

 

I'm certainly not going to quit trying to meet their needs. That's my job. (No, it's not the school's job. It's my job as a parent.) There's no reason this has to be an all or nothing arrangement. My involvement in the capacity that I've provided it over the last three years has benefitted them academically in that I've been able to work with and help their teachers help them in many cases, as well as know in what areas the instruction is lacking at school. You'll never convince me it would be better to not have that knowledge. Would it be more efficient to homeschool full-time? Of course, but that option's off the table.

 

Your agenda is not consistent with what classroom volunteering is all about.

 

I don't see why my ulterior motive matters if I'm performing the same work.

 

You're a homeschooler. Homeschool.

 

I'm pretty sure you won't appreciate this post, but honest to Pete, it's like watching somebody drown. The need to point out the direction to the lifeboat is overwhelming.

 

It sounds like you "wouldn't want to deep-six an otherwise good marriage over school issues," but you expect me to as that's the "direction to the lifeboat" that you're suggesting.

 

If you had read the entire thread, you would have seen my request to not be judged on the gravity of my decision to bend to my husband's wishes. My dh is not your dh, and I am not you. If the decision would be so black and white for your family, congratulations. My dh is a phenomenal father, and I place extreme value in the two-parent household. I chose this for my family, and I do resent the notion that I haven't considered ALL my options in agonizing depth. Choosing to act against dh's wishes would have meant being prepared to live seperately. I made the VERY PERSONAL decision to keep my family together. This was the hardest decision I've ever made, and I've got to make the best of the situation for my children's sake.

 

Dh is happy, dc are happy and doing as well as can be hoped for, and for the time being my head is still above water.

 

Goodness, can we just stick to the original question?

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What I was actually suggesting was that you give yourself, your kids and the teachers some peace EITHER by deciding that afterschooling meets the need (which it probably does!) OR by choosing what your kids need over what your man wants if the school is truly horrific.

 

Given your agenda, it's inappropriate for you to be in your child's classroom in a volunteer role. I can't encourage you to pursue that. I DO encourage you to keep your marriage intact by happily afterschooling and finding a productive outlet for your energy and talents during the schoolday.

 

You are punishing everybody. Stop.

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What I was actually suggesting was that you give yourself, your kids and the teachers some peace EITHER by deciding that afterschooling meets the need (which it probably does!) OR by choosing what your kids need over what your man wants if the school is truly horrific.

 

 

I never said our school was horrific. It's not. In fact, it's one of the best on our side of town.

 

Given your agenda, it's inappropriate for you to be in your child's classroom in a volunteer role. I can't encourage you to pursue that.

 

I don't understand. I'm a volunteer. I correct papers and cut and paste. Is it inappropriate that I don't wear earmuffs in the classroom?

 

I DO encourage you to keep your marriage intact by happily afterschooling and finding a productive outlet for your energy and talents during the schoolday.

 

 

Done.

 

You are punishing everybody. Stop.

 

You assume a lot. To repeat my last post, dh is happy, dc are happy, and I'm getting by. My teachers are being required to do their best to ensure that my children (and every other child) are getting what they need, and I'm there to help them. What's my crime?

 

My peace with this issue is not of primary importance, and I've knowingly and willingly sacrificed it. That's my issue, to deal with within myself, and I don't let it punish anyone but me - not dh, whom I could tend to direct frustrations at; not my kids, who are happy and successful; not my teachers and/or administrators, who are delighted to have me in the classrooms and are also my co-workers.

 

You assume I'm "punishing everybody" with my nasty, resentful attitude? I'm trying to advocate for my kids, why on earth would I do that? Again, this was addressed in an earlier post.

 

What a thread this has turned out to be!

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Sounds like you really want to "police" what the teachers are doing. Are you a Class Mom and the teacher's "right arm" or are you just always "there?"

 

I think you may inadvertently cause other faculty and staff maybe even students and other parents to regard you and your children "differently" (yes, with the accompanying smile and raised eyesbrows) simply because, while well-intentioned, it comes across as a bit much.

 

It sounds like you aren't satisfied, want to micro-manage, or really would rather homeschool but without the enormous responsibility and accountability that brings.

 

There are homeschool academies where the children attend classes two days a week and are home 3. The moms are expected to assist. There's curriculum but also freedom to do more/ expand/ adapt as you like. Is that something you might consider?

 

If I were the teacher I'd set up a volunteer schedule from Day One. Or I'd put you to work "for real." You need an assignment. (project, something)

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My previous post was not as helpful as it SHOULD have been. Well, it's a new day.

 

Please consider the Homeschool Academy option. It's a hybrid of private school and homeschool. Two days a week, classes, teachers, uniforms, lunch, recess, field trips etc... just like school you even pay tuition and buy books and school supplies but it's two days a week and all of the students who are enrolled are homeschooled.

 

Where there is a will there is a way. It sounds like you want to be more involved. You have the heart of a homeschooler.

 

I understand, I was a parent volunteer on steroids (eventually we just brought them home and stopped paying tuition)

 

 

Look for academies in your area or ask about this option at a private school many do have a homeschool component. And run the idea past your hubby. Chances are he's never heard of a homeschool academy.

 

The teachers are dedicated, the familes are committed to their children's ed and the students love attending and being with other homeschoolers.

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It sounds like you aren't satisfied, want to micro-manage, or really would rather homeschool but without the enormous responsibility and accountability that brings.

 

There are homeschool academies where the children attend classes two days a week and are home 3. The moms are expected to assist. There's curriculum but also freedom to do more/ expand/ adapt as you like. Is that something you might consider?

 

If I were the teacher I'd set up a volunteer schedule from Day One. Or I'd put you to work "for real." You need an assignment. (project, something)

 

 

Wow.... I think when you feel you have to refrain from using expletives, it's time to remove yourself from the thread.

 

I'm losing faith in this board. I can see the homeschool community is changing and is becomming less and less a reflection of me, and that's not based on this one thread. I see judgement being passed hastily in this thread, clearly without the posters having read the whole thing. I urge posters to please read the whole thread, or at least the OP's posts as I try to quote when I'm responding to specific comments; however, I won't be visiting this thread again. I've received everything from snide comments to downright insults here!

 

Thanks so very much to those who gave me honest, constructive, and open-minded input to what I thought was a very simple question!

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Breann,

 

I understand your position and it seems those "offending" posters do not understand that you do want to homeschool but your husband doesn't. It's all a matter of how we see our households - Is the husband the head or not and are we submitting to that headship? You as a wife have decided to put your marriage first and still be able to meet the needs of your children. I applaud you for that.

 

I work full-time but I help and have helped at my child's school as much as my time would allow. I rarely told the teachers about afterschooling because most of the teachers I know think homeschoolers are doing a disservice to their children.

 

You probably won't read this since you are leaving the thread but don't feel like you have to defend advocating for your child. Let the judgemental comments roll off your back.

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I've read the whole thread. :)

 

I'm a former public school teacher, and now a homeschooler. To answer your original question from the POV of the teacher here goes. Being candid with the teacher is fine, in theory. My response, as the teacher, would be to be gracious. What would go through my mind, however, is that I'd prefer not to have a parent who wishes to "supervise" instead of help. If that parent distrusts or dislikes what I'm doing with her child(ren), then I would welcome them to supplement, or change their child's location to another class, or to home.

 

I know you can't homeschool. That issue isn't on the table.

 

Honestly, you're really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think your best bet will be to do the best you can with your children in afterschooling, and just appreciate whatever they are getting in school without a constant cry of "more" coming from you. They will resent you for that because the ps system is set up to overwhelm teachers if they try to make each child reach their potential. The numbers are too staggering. It is virtually impossible to tailor a curriculum to 30 different minds such that they all thrive.

 

Your child's teacher will be much more receptive to your child's needs if you are a voice of encouragement and support, with very little criticism, even constructive being directed her way.

 

When I taught, I had excellent students that I knew had more potential than we could meet. I was a gifted student myself, and knew their struggle. I challenged them in ways that didn't involve busywork. I engaged their minds. But, there was more that could have been done if they were my only children. I was frank with their parents. They challenged them more at home; not with workbooks, but with experiences, with books, and with discussions. Those students are now on my Facebook page (they're college graduates) and they're exceptional human beings. They succeeded, and I think it's in large part due to their parents realizing the limitations of the system, being ever so grateful for everything I could do, and picking up the reins at home.

 

Many of them helped in the classroom. Some made copies. Some graded papers, some baked cookies. None of them ever made me feel like they were watching me. They made encouraging comments. I gave their children extra attention because I was fond of them and their parents.

 

Attract those bees with honey, and keep making the hive at home! :)

Edited by manylilblessings
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