Suggestions for helping dd who is not outgoing

[Storm Bay]

My dd has been happy homeschooling and doesn't feel a need to have more than one or two friends. However, we never get to see those she has anymore due to scheduling difficulties. She is not socially outgoing, although she is trying. Another mother (who has boys, so no help here for dd finding friends who are girls) pointed out that dd is like she was and she tries to exert herself silently. When she does speak around other teens, it's usually very quietly and often terse; very different than she is at home or with people she knows well. She has trouble knowing what to say and is not interested in talking with girls about boys or gossip, even though she is interested in a boy who she gets along well with (one we never get to see, so I know this is an issue for her.)

 

Since I have always been outgoing and in high school always made friends (in some schools very few friends, in others a lot) despite the fact that I talked too much and was a pro at putting my foot in my mouth, I'm not sure how to help her. She wouldn't be caught dead in some group designed to help her interact socially. It's not enough just to tell her to speak up more, she need more specific help. Dh is also quiet in a group, but doesn't come across as awkward. Of course, I didn't know him when he was 14 and since he went to ps in the same town throughout, he had some local friends.

 

I may not be asking this correctly, but is there a book or DVD or something to help teens with this? I don't know any teens who could mentor her, and, honestly, I doubt most teens are ready to help someone that way based on what I've seen.

[lllll]

Karin, is this something that your daughter feels a need to address, or something you feel a need to address? I'm a little confused about the motive behind it. I mean ... does she want some kind of help??

 

I was like this as a teen. I was bored to death by the conversations of most of the girls my age. The boys spent much less time yakking and more time moving. Way more fun. And I would have been mortified had my mother suddenly made it her goal to 'help' me. But then, you would have to know my mother to understand that. :) Anyway, one of the most helpful things to me was NOT having a big deal made out of how 'different' I was from the more outgoing people.

 

From another view, I also had a friend from grammar school through high school who was VERY outgoing. Her mother was always finding social things for her to participate in and she seemed to enjoy them; although I'm not sure she had a choice. Her father taught at the local cc and her mother seemed to be into everything social. (They were from one of the Dakota's. Not the Southern belle type thing.) She's the one who talked me into doing things like asking a guy to a dance in 8th grade; attempting Candystriping; taking tennis lessons; and I can't remember what else.

 

So you know what happened? The guy I asked to the dance suddenly thought I wanted him to be my "boyfriend" ... which I definitely did NOT. I enjoyed talking to him in math class and we used to pick on each other like brothers and sisters do; but as soon as I asked him to that stupid dance that 'fun' relationship disappeared. I really regretted that. (btw. I met my dh in 9th grade geometry class 40 years ago this year. I called him up under the pretense of asking about math homework. I already knew how to do the problems; I just thought he was cute. So, you see, we quiet ones aren't really crippled by our quietness. We just go about it in a little different way. And math can be a veeery useful subject. ;))

 

Candystriping was a disaster. I only lasted a few months. I already knew how to make up a bed and I got tired of standing in the hospital hall waiting for a nurse to tell me what to do. One of the most boring things I ever had to do.

 

Tennis was OK; but I really hated chasing that stupid ball around the court. I discovered the local handball courts at a nearby park and found I much preferred hitting the ball (by myself!) there. It always came back to me and I didn't have to chase it around. I used to spend hours doing that. Alone. Again.

 

And on it went. I did refuse to do some things this girl tried talking me into. Like joining the swim team (I learned to swim by spending hours floating around - alone - at the pool one summer.); going to any more dances in high school; smoking (She died from lung cancer at the age of 19, btw.); etc.

 

So I guess I'm saying that unless your dd is really wanting you to step in and help her somehow, I would just leave her alone and let her find her own way. If you try to force anything, there could be unexpected consequences which may be worse than the original problems.

 

As far as books though, our 21yod (who's always been very quiet in groups like I was) has enjoyed etiquette books. She owns several because she asked for them. She actually studies them on her own time. She says the military etiquette books are best. Condensed and less flowery. It's even gotten to be a family joke that when one of us does something rather UNmannerly, we all turn to her and ask 'So what would Miss Manners have to say about that?'. :lol:

 

Recently, a bunch of relatives of our neighbor's English wife came to visit them for a few weeks. We were constantly consulting 21yod on "proper" behaviour so as not to offend what we thought might be very "proper" Englishters. 21yod actually pointed out to us (in private, of course) some very IMproper behavior on the part of the apparently not-so-proper, after all, Englishsters. We had a lot of fun with all of it and learned a lot at the same time. And dc made some new friends in the process.

 

[[[My 21yod just walked in and I let her read your post. Her first response was, "Does the mother not want her to be that way? She sounds fine. She made friends before. Do you think she really needs help? You could ask whether the mother thinks she'll be seriously handicapped for the rest of her life.

 

You could point out that it could be that she just doesn't have anything interesting to talk about. Or those kids she's with don't have anything interesting or worthwhile to talk about. Books are good conversation starters. Before we go on walks, one of us usually will read up on some interesting topic and then we'll discuss it during the walk. ]]]

 

Which reminds me of another point. I can usually talk nonstop when it's a topic I'm really interested in. As you can see here. :blush: Maybe it would help to think along those lines for your dd. And don't limit it to kids her own age. It could just be she's not interested in the usual teen topics. Maybe widen the scope to people of all ages??? And, unbeknownst to her, quietly arrange for her to 'bump into' people who share her interests/passions???

 

HTH

Kathy

 

And we were just skimming a few of the posts on the other thread about teens and friends, and 25yos blurted out: I think they're confusing social activity with social skills. Just because they DO talk doen't mean they CAN talk.

Edited January 11, 2010 by ksva

[Tullia]

If your daughter isn't unhappy I wouldn't worry too much about it. From what I've experienced as a teen and seen by watching in the decades since, I've concluded that much of the time teens are doing nothing more than "swapping ignorance". It may be that your dd is more mature than many of her peers.

 

Since she feels a need to become more outgoing, though, perhaps you could discuss ways she can get to know other people in social situations. Is her problem an excess of self-consciousness with people she doesn't know well? If so, teaching her ways to ask tactful questions about other folks interests works most of the time even if it's two introverts meeting for the first time. However, if she's trying to break into a group of teen girls who do nothing but talk in a shorthand language peculiar to their group about things your dd isn't interested in, she may have to practice her conversational skills in the family or with adult friends of your family and know that eventually she will meet peers with whom she can find more in common.

 

I came of age at a time when tea parties, ballroom dance, and such had been abandoned as hopelessly silly and old-fashioned. However, my friends who are older (late 50's & early 60's generation) have told me that it helped them get through the inevitably gauche teen years even though they didn't really appreciate it at the time.

 

You might read and discuss Jane Austen's works together. Sense and Sensibility has a series of excellent examples of conversations which take place under a variety of trying circumstances. It wouldn't do to attempt a reproduction the vocabulary and syntax of Elinor Dashwood verbatim, but the ideas behind how she tried to direct unsatisfactory conversations onto safer ground are worth considering. I can think of worse fictional role models, lol.

 

Miss Manners' writing is another possibility, but I wouldn't recommend her for anyone who's got a problem with snarkiness, if you kwim?

[Storm Bay]

I've been away for a few days (had a trip to the ER for a dc, but my dc is fine, etc).

 

Thank you so much for all your insight.

 

In the past, my dd has been happy with who she is, and mainly she is. I totally understand that she doesn't need to have a lot of friends or to fit in with the crowd. She had some issues in the past we needed to work on, but those are fine now.

 

However, dd is starting to show a few signs of discontent and loneliness. She doesn't want to go to public high school, but wants someone to do school with. She hasn't any homeschooled girlfriends because she had some issues years ago in group settings which closed the door on that around here at that time. We did a science lab in the fall which went well, but those teens live relatively far away and have gone south for a good portion of the winter. Putting her in a group teen activity with homeschoolers where the teens are already friends isn't going to help much that I can see at the moment. There was another teen a year younger than her whose mother was looking for friends, but they met once and it didn't work because they had little in common and didn't mesh well (they didn't argue or anything; the other girl's mother suggested they go to a movie the first time, which I thought was a good idea.)

 

However, I won't force her to study any book particularly after reading this. Her problem is that when she's nervous or uncomfortable she doesn't come across well and her nervous mannerisms look geeky and different. Once she's comfortable, those disappear, but it's hard to bridge that gap.

 

I have suggested ways to ask questions, but honestly she doesn't want to hear them right now (she's 14 and I am her mother) so I'm trying to encourage her without pushing her or discouraging her and feel frustrated.

[Brenda in MA]

You are in a tough position. My oldest son sounds similar to your dd. He is now 18yo & in college. He homeschooled since the 5th grade, and he really only had 1 good friend throughout that time, a boy he met in ps in the 2nd grade. Their friendship ebbed and flowed over the years.

 

There were stretches when this other boy was not interested in getting together, and my son got lonely and angry. He also had almost no hs'ed peers in our area. By the time he reached high school, they'd all gone back to school. He filled his time working a part-time job, participating in the boy scouts, volunteering, and attending a church youth group. While he didn't meet any real friends through these activities, they kept him busy and out of the home some of the time.

 

All through it, he and I would discuss how college would be different for him and how he'd meet his peers there. We both feel very blessed that this has been the case for him. He's at an engineering school where there are lots and lots of "geeky" kids, and he feels at home there and has a good-sized group of friends.

 

Someone awhile back, I think it was Jean in WI, wrote a piece about learning to be happy being alone. She related how that in adult life, that is a situation that one must be able to handle sometimes; so handling alone time and being happy with oneself as a teen is good training for adulthood. It's hard, but there is a definite benefit from experiencing some hardship as a teen.

 

I also went out of my way when my son was younger trying to find other hs kids for him to be friends with. He never hit it off with any of them. It was exhausting. I finally decided that if he wanted friends, he needed to make some effort and try to get over any discomfort he felt in meeting people. So I backed off with the direct efforts and just made sure that he was busy and out and about in the world.

 

I also know that this issue is not related to homeschooling at all -- it's his personality. His younger brother is completely different and much more outgoing. Older brother's strengths are just in different areas.

 

Karin -- I hope for you that you and your dd can find social situations that work for her.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

[Storm Bay]

All through it, he and I would discuss how college would be different for him and how he'd meet his peers there. We both feel very blessed that this has been the case for him. He's at an engineering school where there are lots and lots of "geeky" kids, and he feels at home there and has a good-sized group of friends.

.

 

Karin -- I hope for you that you and your dd can find social situations that work for her.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

 

 

Thanks! I will discuss that with her. That might be hard, since at 14 college feels so far, far off in the future, but I'll do that. There's also the issue of boys, too. She likes one she is just not in a situation to see, and they get along well.

[mama25angels]

You are in a tough position. My oldest son sounds similar to your dd. He is now 18yo & in college. He homeschooled since the 5th grade, and he really only had 1 good friend throughout that time, a boy he met in ps in the 2nd grade. Their friendship ebbed and flowed over the years.

 

There were stretches when this other boy was not interested in getting together, and my son got lonely and angry. He also had almost no hs'ed peers in our area. By the time he reached high school, they'd all gone back to school. He filled his time working a part-time job, participating in the boy scouts, volunteering, and attending a church youth group. While he didn't meet any real friends through these activities, they kept him busy and out of the home some of the time.

 

All through it, he and I would discuss how college would be different for him and how he'd meet his peers there. We both feel very blessed that this has been the case for him. He's at an engineering school where there are lots and lots of "geeky" kids, and he feels at home there and has a good-sized group of friends.

 

Someone awhile back, I think it was Jean in WI, wrote a piece about learning to be happy being alone. She related how that in adult life, that is a situation that one must be able to handle sometimes; so handling alone time and being happy with oneself as a teen is good training for adulthood. It's hard, but there is a definite benefit from experiencing some hardship as a teen.

 

I also went out of my way when my son was younger trying to find other hs kids for him to be friends with. He never hit it off with any of them. It was exhausting. I finally decided that if he wanted friends, he needed to make some effort and try to get over any discomfort he felt in meeting people. So I backed off with the direct efforts and just made sure that he was busy and out and about in the world.

 

I also know that this issue is not related to homeschooling at all -- it's his personality. His younger brother is completely different and much more outgoing. Older brother's strengths are just in different areas.

 

Karin -- I hope for you that you and your dd can find social situations that work for her.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

 

 

:iagree: with Brenda, my dd was the same way, she would say she wanted friends and I would run with and take her to every function I could find and she never hit it off with anyone. I finally decided that if she wanted friends she would have to make the effort herself. Now, she plays in the church band and they are requesting that she become a youth leader in our youth group and she's over her minutes on her cell phone because she's talking so much :lol:. so, I would encourage you to be patient and to let her make the effort.

[Storm Bay]

:iagree: with Brenda, my dd was the same way, she would say she wanted friends and I would run with and take her to every function I could find and she never hit it off with anyone. I finally decided that if she wanted friends she would have to make the effort herself. Now, she plays in the church band and they are requesting that she become a youth leader in our youth group and she's over her minutes on her cell phone because she's talking so much :lol:. so, I would encourage you to be patient and to let her make the effort.

 

 

Thanks. Between these posts I can do that and I have things to say to help her when she voices her frustration, etc. But it still would help to have a book if she chooses that option, and I have a couple of suggestions there, too, now.

[Rosie_0801]

. Her problem is that when she's nervous or uncomfortable she doesn't come across well and her nervous mannerisms look geeky and different. Once she's comfortable, those disappear, but it's hard to bridge that gap.

 

 

Maybe you need to find where the other geeks hang out. There are some incredibly geeky and socially awkward people in the SCA, and nobody minds because we all (including the jocks) know the SCA attracts geeky people and that's part of the charm. It's a place where socially awkward people can make themselves comfortable and become quite highly regarded. Maybe see if you have a local group http://www.sca.org and what activities they run. The dance classes in our region seem to be run mainly by the college students, and they'll be quite happy to include a 14 year old who wants to learn to dance., and her mother too, if you want to hang around to check them out for a few weeks.

 

Rosie

Edited January 15, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Storm Bay]

Maybe you need to find where the other geeks hang out. There are some incredibly geeky and socially awkward people in the SCA, and nobody minds because we all (including the jocks) know the SCA attracts geeky people and that's part of the charm. It's a place where socially awkward people can make themselves comfortable and become quite highly regarded. Maybe see if you have a local group http://www.sca.org and what activities they run. The dance classes in our region seem to be run mainly by the college students, and they'll be quite happy to include a 14 year old who wants to learn to dance., and her mother too, if you want to hang around to check them out for a few weeks.

 

Rosie

 

Thanks! I'll see if there's one near here. My 11 yo history buff would love this, and my 14 yo has recently told me history is fun if it's not school work (she hates any history I assign so far, but I'm hoping she'll like SWB's book as much as she liked SOTW.)

 

ETA They'd love this, but all of it is a bit far at this time of the year. Perhaps in the summer we can do something.

Edited January 15, 2010 by Karin

[Rosie_0801]

ETA They'd love this, but all of it is a bit far at this time of the year. Perhaps in the summer we can do something.

 

You might be able to car pool or something, but really, they can be involved at whatever frequency suits. It's not something you must commit to like many other groups. Some people will turn up to an activity each night of the week, others will show up once a year. If they are interested in any of the crafts, they can get involved online and make a start. Your closest group would have a yahoo group or something. That might be a way for you to get to know people without having to battle the elements. There might be others closer to your area.

 

Anyway, bad weather sucks. Too cold where you are, and too hot here!

 

:)

Rosie

[Storm Bay]

You might be able to car pool or something, but really, they can be involved at whatever frequency suits. It's not something you must commit to like many other groups. Some people will turn up to an activity each night of the week, others will show up once a year. If they are interested in any of the crafts, they can get involved online and make a start. Your closest group would have a yahoo group or something. That might be a way for you to get to know people without having to battle the elements. There might be others closer to your area.

 

Anyway, bad weather sucks. Too cold where you are, and too hot here!

 

:)

Rosie

 

 

Thanks. There's also the financial part of it, too. I did like the fact of as much or as little involvement as necessary. I looked for a math or science club, since Dd is good at math & science, but told me the other day she's merely going to major in those in school and then go be a designer (I think she meant fashion designer, but she is 14. She can draw but hates to take any art course and likes to self teach herself with nothing but her own mind and hand now. This may have been somewhat competitive with my 11 yo which is how the topic came up.)

[Rosie_0801]

Thanks. There's also the financial part of it, too. I did like the fact of as much or as little involvement as necessary. I looked for a math or science club, since Dd is good at math & science, but told me the other day she's merely going to major in those in school and then go be a designer (I think she meant fashion designer, but she is 14. She can draw but hates to take any art course and likes to self teach herself with nothing but her own mind and hand now. This may have been somewhat competitive with my 11 yo which is how the topic came up.)

 

Attending events certainly adds up if there is a few of you. Attending dance practices or arts and sciences nights shouldn't cost anything. Other than the price of whatever you are dancing in, or stitching. It's amazing what can come out of op shops though ;) I just made a hat out of a piece of fur that cost a dollar fifty from an op shop, an old jacket of dh's that his sister gave him, and two dollars worth of peacock feathers. Subscribe to the local list and ask about ways to be economical in your involvement (when summer comes ;) ) People will be happy to give you their tips, favourite fabric shops, etc. Your kids might be able to get sponsored to events in return for babysitting. I paid for my dad to come to a camping event so we had someone else to help chase our toddler. Your dd can learn lots of dress designing from SCA involvement! Lots of scholarship goes on, and if she wants to ask Person X all about their pretty and shiny outfit, Person X will probably be happy to talk until your dd has to go home.

 

Anyway, now I'm getting chatty and that's not what the thread was for :p

 

Rosie

Edited January 15, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Lori D.]

Not to force her into any socializing, but when SHE is ready and is looking for some ideas, what about community activities which are comprised of teens -- or a mix of ages -- from a range of schools, so people aren't already "BFF"s that you have to try and break into?

 

- contribute to a local student-produced newspaper

- horseback riding / lessons

- 4-H (variety of activities -- not just raising livestock!)

- local history re-enactment group

- community service activities or group

- video production with local cable company's community access channel

- local teen theater group (they always need quiet backstage people, too!)

- start, or join, a book or film discussion group

- local "junior strings", jazz band, teen community choir etc.

- local animal rescue or shelter group

- FIRST Robotics group = http://www.usfirst.org/

- Girl Scouts = http://www.girlscouts.org/

- local homeschool high school co-op

- take a Parks & Rec class with a friend or other homeschool teens

- organize own community service/ministry/girl's social & mentoring group (example: http://gnuhaus.com/reachout/

- National Forensics League = http://www.nflonline.org/Main/HomePage

- JSA (Junior State of America) = http://www.jsa.org/

- National Mock Trial = http://www.nationalmocktrial.org/

- Youth & Government through your local YMCA

- Model U.N. through your local YMCA

- Teen PACT = http://www.teenpact.com/

- host an international exchange student in your home

[Storm Bay]

Not to force her into any socializing, but when SHE is ready and is looking for some ideas, what about community activities which are comprised of teens -- or a mix of ages -- from a range of schools, so people aren't already "BFF"s that you have to try and break into?

 

Thanks!

[Osmosis Mom]

Well, we attend http://www.voyagersinc.org in order to hang with other homeschoolers (some of whom are geeks too). They have different days and each day is very different so email me if you need some input. It is a hike, but I did it when I lived in your area and we do it now from NH!!

 

I don't know what to say about the social situation in your area because it wouldn't come out nice. Being different is a threat to so many people, but certainly not to everyone!!!

 

The nice thing about the above coop is that it is inclusive and there is a big chance that you might find a kindred spirit and in any case then people will treat you respectfully which would work for the dc as well.

 

We do the offerings (usually) at MIT HSSP (google it) which might be something for your dd. She could also start taking classes at the lcoal CC or Harvard Extension plus independent volunteering, just to get her out of her shell and out with people.

 

I know my ideas involve driving, but that's what you get when you live as you and I do!!!!

[jenn4]

I almost started to cry when I read your post because my daughter sounds so much like yours! I have been worried about her also. She only has one friend whom she considers her BFF but that friend has 5 other BFFs she mostly hangs with. She has tried to include my dd in her group (over and over again, sincerely trying to get my dd involved), but my dd is so painfully shy and self-conscious, she just won't let herself "be accepted" into that group.

 

We go to a co-op twice a week so she has plently of opportunities to make friends. I volunteer there;her siblings are there so she should feel at ease, but she doesn't. She says she doesn't really like being around a lot of other people.

 

She seems happy to hang around at home and play games with me or her dad or siblings. I keep telling myself that is really a good thing. She isn't boy crazy or silly or gossipy. She is in a sewing group and Keepers of the Faith. She has cousins and grandparents she spends time with, but I just feel like .... like maybe she is missing out on the fun of being silly with a best friend!

 

She is a very stoic person but when I talk to her about making friends she gets tears in her eyes. I think deep down she wants friends but maybe right now she doesn't NEED friends.

 

Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread I just wanted to commiserate with you.

 

Jenn

[Storm Bay]

Well, we attend www.voyagersinc.org in order to hang with other homeschoolers (some of whom are geeks too). They have different days and each day is very different so email me if you need some input. It is a hike, but I did it when I lived in your area and we do it now from NH!!

 

I don't know what to say about the social situation in your area because it wouldn't come out nice. Being different is a threat to so many people, but certainly not to everyone!!!

 

 

 

Thanks! I'll look into this and will have to see. Ideally we want to find local friends as I'm sure you know, but perhaps when things aren't as busy with swimming, etc, we can do something like this.

 

For those of you that don't know, we used to live in the same area & Nadia was always kind & gracious.

[Storm Bay]

Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread I just wanted to commiserate with you.

 

Jenn

 

 

It's helpful to know I'm not the only one and that she's not the only one.

[Osmosis Mom]

Thanks! I'll look into this and will have to see. Ideally we want to find local friends as I'm sure you know, but perhaps when things aren't as busy with swimming, etc, we can do something like this.

 

For those of you that don't know, we used to live in the same area & Nadia was always kind & gracious.

 

That was a nice comment, Karin. You were fun to hang with and a breath of fresh (Canadian) air!!!

 

Hope things work our or settle down. It is hard to try to fill everyone's needs.

[Guest]

My daughter is so much like this! The issue has become much more pronounced now that she is of middle school age and really wants to have friends, but is not interested in the kinds of social gossip/popular culture/cliquish behavior of more typical girls.

 

I wish we could find other people to do school stuff with, but where we have been more successful is in outside activities based on my child's interests. She rides, for instance, and has made friends of many ages, plus gotten a job working with the horses several hours a week (gets paid in free lessons). For a while she had a great time in theater classes, but as she is stiff and awkward this hasn't turned into the wider friendship-creating activity I had hoped for her. The next things I'm going to try are a homeschool-based physics lab (my daughter is a science fan too) and a science fiction fan club of some sort, as she is currently absolutely infatuated with Star Trek. Next summer we're going to Comic Con.

 

Of all these things, the horses have done the most for my daughter. She has a special ability to bond with them, she gets to do work she is valued for, and the people who ride or work with the horses have provided very different social chatting than she would get from just kids her age.

 

Please post back when you find some combination of things that work for your daughter and let all of us with similar children know... I think we're all searching all the time, even if we have a few things that have been successful.

[Storm Bay]

My daughter is so much like this! The issue has become much more pronounced now that she is of middle school age and really wants to have friends, but is not interested in the kinds of social gossip/popular culture/cliquish behavior of more typical girls.

 

I wish we could find other people to do school stuff with, but where we have been more successful is in outside activities based on my child's interests. She rides, for instance, and has made friends of many ages, plus gotten a job working with the horses several hours a week (gets paid in free lessons). For a while she had a great time in theater classes, but as she is stiff and awkward this hasn't turned into the wider friendship-creating activity I had hoped for her. The next things I'm going to try are a homeschool-based physics lab (my daughter is a science fan too) and a science fiction fan club of some sort, as she is currently absolutely infatuated with Star Trek. Next summer we're going to Comic Con.

 

Of all these things, the horses have done the most for my daughter. She has a special ability to bond with them, she gets to do work she is valued for, and the people who ride or work with the horses have provided very different social chatting than she would get from just kids her age.

 

Please post back when you find some combination of things that work for your daughter and let all of us with similar children know... I think we're all searching all the time, even if we have a few things that have been successful.

 

Thank you. Had we the money, she'd ride horses. She tried it once and loved it (but not that particular instructor.)

 

Right now she swims on a team. She loves swimming, but there is that clique thing there even if it's not quite as strong. Last night she went to a spaghetti supper for it, but even though she had fun, I wasn't there to see how much she interacted. I'm THRILLED that she had fun, of course. But somewhere I hope she makes a connection to make a friend she sees outside of an activity.