If your dc is not going to graduate on time...

[swimmermom3]

I need a fresh perspective and some options. Some of you are familiar with my situation with my dd (17) who is a junior at the public hs. She was diagnosed with depression last year. Her academic performance is erratic and very dependent on the current stage of the depression. Last year the school allowed her to take a chemistry and geometry online through Keystone. She has completed the chemistry and is still struggling with the geometry. Math is a whole other thread for this child.

 

The depression is deepening and her counselor let us know that we are fortunate that dd stays connected to school at all right now. She loves her AP European History class; everything else is just going through the motions. The high school is a large one - 2600 students. She feels overwhelmed academically and socially and wants to change schools. One major issue is our district's proficiency grading system. This is an endless source of stress for our dd. There is a smaller, private Catholic high school that I attended that could be an option. I have considered bringing her home home for the last semester this year and focusing on math and writing skills and preparing for the SAT. You all are aware of the various hoops and risk that would involve.

 

She currently has a 3.4 average and is two credits behind for graduation. It's so hard to convey in writing that this child is not simply a problem but a lovely young woman with so many gifts who has a knack for drawing others to her and who yet still remains isolated. We are at a total loss in this situation. Where do I go from here? How do I insure that there is a future?

[LinRTX]

I would bring her home. What credits does she need? Is a CC course an option at all or would that be too much stress.

 

And if she does not graduate in May, so what. She could graduate in August or even next December. Just be sure you get a copy of her transcript.

 

Linda

[Nicole M]

Well, first, please let go of the worry about not graduating on time. Linda is right, it doesn't really matter when graduation happens, she'll still be able to go to college and have a future.

 

Summer classes could be an option to make up missing credits. I know as a parent, it's hard for me to give up the idea of a free summer. But having been a depressed teen, I remember that summers were the hardest, because there was so little structure to our days. Also, I would second looking into a community college course. You get a lotta bang for your buck, credit-wise, with CC courses. One ten week CC course here counts for a full year of HS credit.

 

I would call the Catholic school and see about arranging a visit. Private and public schools are often not on the same schedule, so she might be able to spend a day sitting in on classes, or a class or two, while you talk to the counselor and explain the sitch, without even missing a day of school where sh eis now. And you could get a sense of whether they could lay out a plan for her. In my experience, private schools are far more willing and able to accommodate individual needs.

 

One of the things that was hard for me as a depressed teen was feeling that there were no options. I felt helpless and out of control. Many of my issues were alleviated when I moved to a smaller school. It may be that the hugeness of the school she is attending now is exacerbating her issues, even while the structure is "good" for her. It could be that even just visiting the school might help her to see that there are other options out there, that she is not trapped.

 

And you aren't either, though I'm sure you must feel awful. I know I've said it before, but your daughter is so fortunate to have a mom who is so attentive and thoughtful about meeting her needs. You will work this out. You will. You're doing all the right things.

Edited December 16, 2009 by Nicole M

[swimmermom3]

Linda, she needs math credits at this point. She is taking geometry through Keystone and I have been working with her on Algebra II. In my ideal world where I did not have to worry about using an accredited course for math to fulfill the ps diploma requirements, I would stop what we are doing and regroup. She needs a thorough review of basic algebra. The test she just completed in geometry shows that. I also wouldn't use the Keystone program but solely use Harold Jacobs Geometry which makes more sense to her. I just couldn't find it within an acceptable accredited course.

 

We live close to the CC campus so that could be an option. Acquaintances have often thought our dd is older than she is and I wonder if a college environment will better suit her. Of course it won't if we don't make sure her basic skills are solid.:tongue_smilie:

 

She is concerned with how things look so she finds it difficult to ask for help from teachers for fear of looking "stupid". This same fear keeps her wanting to work along the traditional lines of a ps diploma and yet she is in many ways a very independent soul.

[Nan in Mass]

Don't some private schools offer a 13th grade for students who aren't quite ready for college? Perhaps your catholic school would be willing to do that? In that case, perhaps she could transfer now and just take an extra year at the catholic school. Since she is close to graduating, it would take some pressure off. Or look at community college. If she isn't likely to be able to manage college by herself and is looking at going to the community college after high school so she can continue to live at home, then she could switch to CC after Christmas and take their remedial courses, then their regular courses. That would give her a few more years also, until she needs to transfer to a full-time school.

-Nan

[Nicole M]

We live close to the CC campus so that could be an option. Acquaintances have often thought our dd is older than she is and I wonder if a college environment will better suit her. Of course it won't if we don't make sure her basic skills are solid.:tongue_smilie:

 

 

Community College is all about getting skills solid. Ours hardly even offers any courses beyond remedial math! My son's experience at CC has been truly fantastic. He feels very grown up taking the city bus to and from the school and navigating the campus and all that. The kids that are taking classes are a bit outside-the-box, but genuine and motivated and kind. We had a bit of difficulty getting him in, but I believe that in your state requirements are different. Kareni could speak to that issue, as she lives not too terribly far from you.

[LibraryLover]

I have a friend in college admissions and I've talked her head off over this notion of taking 5 yrs to do something most kids do in 4. (Not due to depression here, but more personality).

 

While we didn't love her answer, (we don't get why so much needs to be crushed into a mere 4 years. What's the point?) we tried to understand it, and deal with the reality of it. Her feeling is that you need to explain why it took more time. It's not that the application will be dismissed, but you need to include offer up some reasoning. "I believed I needed time to mature/explore" is perfectly legit, even admirable, according to her. Maturity is not your dd's issue, obviously, but it's one reason that is pretty benign and doesn't need much more explaining.

 

The next part is what did you do with the extra time? Did you sit around and play xbox all day, or did you work? Did you take classes at a community college? Did you travel? Did you volunteer somewhere? What did you learn about yourself? etc She says Gap years are common, but they should look like something rather than nothing.

 

You can 'graduate' your dd from your hs, and then she can supplemental classes at the community college. She could work, she could volunteer. You would have it all covered and she would get the time she needs to recover and regroup.

 

Of course she has a future! Kick that thought out of your mind right now, girl!

Edited December 16, 2009 by LibraryLover

[LinRTX]

Lisa

 

Have her test at the college. They have remedial classes and will know where to place her. Also, if you bring her home and graduate her from home you, you can do what she needs. It does not have to be accredited. You decide what is best and just go with her needs.

 

At the CC here the requirements are less stringent if you have graduated than if not. They will remediate graduates, but not those still in high school. This only applies to math though (I think).

 

So you might want to do the math at home and give her one class at the CC. The one sememster class (3 hr) would be a full year credit for high school. Then just decide on what you will call the math class at home. You could do a business math class as you review some Algebra I.

 

I'm just thinking with my fingers here, so it may sound very much like rambling.

 

Linda

[Nicole M]

Reading some of the other responses here, I wonder if I've completely missed something. If she is a junior now and only two credits behind, then we're not talking about a whole year behind, just one summer session, right? So I'm thinking there would be no "explaining" to do for college admission...?

[Julie in MN]

Where do I go from here? How do I insure that there is a future?

 

Our local public school allows students to continue through age 21 (when funding ends). My homeschool allows students to continue as long as they wish. Some would not do it this way, but it works for me.

 

Julie

[yslek]

Your dd's situation reminds me a lot of my own at the end of High School. I was also depressed/needing more credits to graduate (after I dropped several college classes that I was taking as dual-enrollment classes. Another reason I was short on credits is that I skipped 9th grade, and so was working to earn extra credits anyway.) Thankfully, my high school principal and counselors were very willing to work with me (and I also went to a school with a large student body, ~2500 students). I enrolled in some high school-level correspondence courses through BYU and took a PE class and a not-on-campus English class through the local CC. I think it took me way longer than it should have to complete the correspondence courses, but I did eventually. It was the December after the rest of my class graduated that I finally earned my diploma. I don't think my transcript has anything weird on it. I was never questioned by college entrance personnel, at any rate. Best wishes to you & your dd. :grouphug:

[swimmermom3]

I would call the Catholic school and see about arranging a visit. Private and public schools are often not on the same schedule, so she might be able to spend a day sitting in on classes, or a class or two, while you talk to the counselor and explain the sitch, without even missing a day of school where sh eis now. And you could get a sense of whether they could lay out a plan for her. In my experience, private schools are far more willing and able to accommodate individual needs.

 

One of the things that was hard for me as a depressed teen was feeling that there were no options. I felt helpless and out of control. Many of my issues were alleviated when I moved to a smaller school. It may be that the hugeness of the school she is attending now is exacerbating her issues, even while the structure is "good" for her. It could be that even just visiting the school might help her to see that there are other options out there, that she is not trapped.

 

And you aren't either, though I'm sure you must feel awful. I know I've said it before, but your daughter is so fortunate to have a mom who is so attentive and thoughtful about meeting her needs. You will work this out. You will. You're doing all the right things.

 

Nicole, thanks as always for your support. I called the school this morning and the admissions counselor is trying to clear a spot to see me this week. Dd was in a private school for 6 years and it was not the best experience. The fact that she is open to looking at the school is indicative of how she feels about the current situation.

 

Don't some private schools offer a 13th grade for students who aren't quite ready for college? Perhaps your catholic school would be willing to do that? In that case, perhaps she could transfer now and just take an extra year at the catholic school. Since she is close to graduating, it would take some pressure off. Or look at community college. If she isn't likely to be able to manage college by herself and is looking at going to the community college after high school so she can continue to live at home, then she could switch to CC after Christmas and take their remedial courses, then their regular courses. That would give her a few more years also, until she needs to transfer to a full-time school.

-Nan

 

Nan, I don't know about a 13th grade but I do know that my dd is unwilling to stay where she would not be with her peer group. Being a 19 yo senior in a traditional school setting would not look "normal", kwim?

 

I have a friend in college admissions and I've talked her head off over this notion of taking 5 yrs to do something most kids do in 4. (Not due to depression here, but more personality).

 

While we didn't love her answer, (we don't get why so much needs to be crushed into a mere 4 years. What's the point?) we tried to understand it, and deal with the reality of it. Her feeling is that you need to explain why it took more time. It's not that the application will be dismissed, but you need to include offer up some reasoning. "I believed I needed time to mature/explore" is perfectly legit, even admirable, according to her. Maturity is not your dd's issue, obviously, but it's one reason that is pretty benign and doesn't need much more explaining.

 

The next part is what did you do with the extra time? Did you sit around and play xbox all day, or did you work? Did you take classes at a community college? Did you travel? Did you volunteer somewhere? What did you learn about yourself? etc She says Gap years are common, but they should look like something rather than nothing.

 

You can 'graduate' your dd from your hs, and then she can supplemental classes at the community college. She could work, she could volunteer. You would have it all covered and she would get the time she needs to recover and regroup.

 

Of course she has a future! Kick that thought out of your mind right now, girl!

 

Laurie, thank you for this useful information. She is willing to work at home with me to cover the basics or even finish the year. However, she does not want to home school to the end, no matter how many good things her brothers say about it. She is social by nature and isolation would be a concern with home schooling. Although, personally I think a part-time job, a cc class, and continuing in sports along with home school could be a solid solution.

 

How did you know that I am considering throwing myself down on the ground and wallowing in self-pity for a while? This whole thing is so not part of my plan. I am really working to realign my own personal expectations.:tongue_smilie:

 

Lisa

 

Have her test at the college. They have remedial classes and will know where to place her. Also, if you bring her home and graduate her from home you, you can do what she needs. It does not have to be accredited. You decide what is best and just go with her needs.

 

At the CC here the requirements are less stringent if you have graduated than if not. They will remediate graduates, but not those still in high school. This only applies to math though (I think).

 

So you might want to do the math at home and give her one class at the CC. The one sememster class (3 hr) would be a full year credit for high school. Then just decide on what you will call the math class at home. You could do a business math class as you review some Algebra I.

 

I'm just thinking with my fingers here, so it may sound very much like rambling.

 

Linda

 

This is where the path becomes very gray. My dd has only this week given up her insistence on a ps diploma. That gives us some more freedom. How much freedom is going to depend on the next step. Ugh! This is so difficult to explain. She can stay where she is and we can continue to bandage the situation with the very real risk that she won't graduate. She could transfer to the private school if they will take her. Either they will work with us and accept "mom" credits and perhaps Standford testing results at the end of the year or I will need to find accredited courses to fill the gap between now and through the summer. Or she can home school, which would take a far greater leap of faith on her part than on her parents' part. Even though the thought has my knees shaking.

[Susan C.]

I need a fresh perspective and some options. Some of you are familiar with my situation with my dd (17) who is a junior at the public hs. She was diagnosed with depression last year. Her academic performance is erratic and very dependent on the current stage of the depression. Last year the school allowed her to take a chemistry and geometry online through Keystone. She has completed the chemistry and is still struggling with the geometry. Math is a whole other thread for this child.

 

The depression is deepening and her counselor let us know that we are fortunate that dd stays connected to school at all right now. She loves her AP European History class; everything else is just going through the motions. The high school is a large one - 2600 students. She feels overwhelmed academically and socially and wants to change schools. One major issue is our district's proficiency grading system. This is an endless source of stress for our dd. There is a smaller, private Catholic high school that I attended that could be an option. I have considered bringing her home home for the last semester this year and focusing on math and writing skills and preparing for the SAT. You all are aware of the various hoops and risk that would involve.

 

She currently has a 3.4 average and is two credits behind for graduation. It's so hard to convey in writing that this child is not simply a problem but a lovely young woman with so many gifts who has a knack for drawing others to her and who yet still remains isolated. We are at a total loss in this situation. Where do I go from here? How do I insure that there is a future?

 

My thoughts, they may or may not apply to your situation. Every state has different homeschool law. In SC, you can graduate your children from homeschool pretty much when you want, with what credits you want to offer. By choice, I abide by what the public schools require so my kids can get into college. I know all ranges of what homeschoolers and private school kids do for math. Some don't even take Algebra 2. My son's college offers a remedial math class that is basic math for non-math majors. I know other homeschoolers that take business and consumer math (A Beka), each for a year. Accounting also fulfills a math requirement. So if your dd is having trouble with math, there are options. The fact that she loves her history tells me she is more creative and liberal arts bent. Both of my kids are very creative. Neither have ever been to public school, and ds picked a local college with 1500 students. They both need a lot of space, they don't mind people, but limit it. Dh and I went to a parenting class when they were younger, and the teacher said that what we were dealing with (hating the playground, not adapting to change well, etc.) was probably a creative temperment.

 

As far as the two credits needed, can't you do two electives this summer for that? You could do a drawing program (we did Mark Kistler's Draw Squad, a book that is under $20 and very adequate), music lessons, cake decorating, etc. My son is into palm trees, and raises them from seed. That provided him with a horticulture credit. I guess you would have to bring her home to dictate what credits she gets, and I don't know if that is what you are looking for...

 

As far as the depression, my ds struggled with it, and it ended up being a B12 and Vitamin D deficiency. He takes sublingual B12, Vit. D, and I've added B6 (P5P) and folic acid (folinic acid), the enzymated forms. He is doing much better. I have thyroid problems, and low thyroid also causes depression.

 

I wish you the best. Follow your heart!

 

Susan

[Nan in Mass]

Could she take a class at a correspondence school? Something that her public school (or private school) would accept? Then she might be able to graduate with her class, but it wouldn't be embarrassing like going to summer school.

[Piano&ViolinMom]

She currently has a 3.4 average and is two credits behind for graduation. It's so hard to convey in writing that this child is not simply a problem but a lovely young woman with so many gifts who has a knack for drawing others to her and who yet still remains isolated. We are at a total loss in this situation. Where do I go from here? How do I insure that there is a future?

I see you are getting lots of good advice here. Do not let your daughter's current math problem alter who she is. If she is a lovely young lady with lots of gifts, let her be proud of herself. Math problem can be resolved seperately.

[outtamyshell]

You may benefit from hearing my friend's story...

 

She was finishing her Junior year at the public school and decided she didn't feel ready to graduate the next year. I don't know all the details, but her parents had been worried about how they were going to tell her they wanted her to spend another year in high school. Her grades weren't horrible, but she didn't have the maturity. It turns out that they didn't have to talk to her. My friend decided to switch schools after her Junior year at the public school and enroll as a Junior at an alternative school the following year. She came to her parents with her plan and they agreed it was a good idea. The new school offered an alternative program and was a completely different experience. I'm not sure how she positioned herself with colleges, but the fact that it was a different kind of school probably helped. She did excel in her field of study those last two years and really found herself. The transition from Junior year to Junior year was smooth because she just enrolled in the new school with a new peer set and had two full years with them.

 

I imagine some of the benefits of this plan was that it was the teenagers decision. She wanted to get more out of the high school experience. I wanted to share this story because I loved how she took the stigma out her decision and tried to get the most out of high school.

 

Your decision is very personal, and there's no way I can tell what your family needs. But my vote is to finish the year at this school. Take your time making a decision so you can move toward something rather than running away from something. There's a delicate balance between academic, social, and emotional needs when dealing with depression, and I would worry about her feeling isolated and withdrawing.

 

Best of luck to you.

[amtmcm]

I also wouldn't use the Keystone program but solely use Harold Jacobs Geometry which makes more sense to her. I just couldn't find it within an acceptable accredited course.

 

Hi Lisa,

 

I'm sending best wishes to you and your family while you weigh your options and make these decisions.

 

Maybe everyone else already knows this.... but I was pretty excited to find out Scholars Online from Veritas Press teaches online classes using Jacobs Geometry.

 

I don't think they're accredited (someone correct if I'm wrong) but it would give your daughter a class of peers to interact with while learning the material at home.

 

Take Care,

Ann