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Am I just paranoid?


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First, a bit of background...

 

I HS'd my kids up until last year due to a hard pregnancy and my father's illness. I was a very passionate homeschooler, very active. If you had told me before I became pregnant that my kids would ever go to PS, I'd have thought you were crazy!!!

 

When I made the decision to put them in school, I had a mixed reaction. Some begged and implored me not to do it...it couldn't be worth it. Some were mad at me, others told me they were disappointed in me. Some of my own family screamed at me about it over the phone. At that time, I was totally convicted that it would only be for one year, then we'd return full-force to HSing.

 

What I didn't bank on was enjoying PS so much. This has led to much anguish over what to do for next year, as I stated in an earlier post. I confess that a great deal of my anguish comes from fearing a negative reaction from my friends. As I said before I get this sense of them viewing me as "selling out". I still frequent the homeschooling boards and join in the threads regarding curriculum and still talk about my educational plans with my kids through afterschooling, but get vibes of"Why are you still here? You aren't one of us anymore".

 

I don't know if I am just building this reaction up in my mind and am just being paranoid. For those of you who went from HSing to PS, did you encounter this problem? If so, how did you deal with it? I know I shouldn't really care what people think of the well-thought out choices my family has made for school, but I do care about these people, and wish I could still enjoy all of the same things we used to enjoy together without the PS-Sell-out stigma hanging over my head.

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I haven't been a part of a home school community, I can only imagine the conflict the decision might make. Some people are very convinced that their choice is the only one for everyone. As parents, we do what's best for our children and our familes. It may not be perfect, it may not be what's right for other families, but if it's right for you it just is. It sounds like you have reason to believe some people might react negatively. Take that for what it's worth (genuine concern for your children or blind defense of their own choices) and do what you must. As parents, we try to teach our children these lessons, sometimes it can be just as tough as adults.

 

Good luck and best wishes,

Tracy

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People are people. FMPOV you aren't being paranoid- whether we like it or not people gather in clicks, do you have a long history with these people? I doubt there is a conscious plan to distance themselves from you, more to do with being busy etc. Have you discussed this directly with any of them you are particularly close to? I imagine its awkward but you may need to drop a 'miss seeing you and doing such & such activities' into conversation. Sometimes one has to 'move on' when a big shift in lifestyle occurs and this is often unsettling. Been there before...

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I'm not in the hs moved to ps group BUT I have a friend that is considering it and it has made her uncomfortable talking about my hsing with me. I know she is making the best choices for her family- it doesn't bother me & to be honest- let's face it- sending our dc to public school is liberating in many ways- so while I'm not jealous (I make my own choices, right?) she will have a wide open schedule which I do not have and without the hs in common we will have less to talk about.

 

I have experienced the shift in clicks, some major some minor, when...went to college, graduated from college, changed jobs, got married, east coast to west coast, gave birth, moved from city to country, and on & on

 

don't think about it to much, adapt

 

hope I'm explaining myself well enough...

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I don't know if I am just building this reaction up in my mind and am just being paranoid.

 

Do what you think will be best for your family. You're not going to make everybody happy, so don't worry about them.

 

Personally, I think people who yell at you and tell you they are "disappointed" in you because you have made a choice that is in the best interest of your family are not very good friends.

 

FWIW- my kids are in their second year of public school, and I still have many of my homeschooling friends. They support my decision.

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First, a bit of background...

 

I HS'd my kids up until last year due to a hard pregnancy and my father's illness. I was a very passionate homeschooler, very active. If you had told me before I became pregnant that my kids would ever go to PS, I'd have thought you were crazy!!!

 

When I made the decision to put them in school, I had a mixed reaction. Some begged and implored me not to do it...it couldn't be worth it. Some were mad at me, others told me they were disappointed in me. Some of my own family screamed at me about it over the phone. At that time, I was totally convicted that it would only be for one year, then we'd return full-force to HSing.

 

What I didn't bank on was enjoying PS so much. This has led to much anguish over what to do for next year, as I stated in an earlier post. I confess that a great deal of my anguish comes from fearing a negative reaction from my friends. As I said before I get this sense of them viewing me as "selling out". I still frequent the homeschooling boards and join in the threads regarding curriculum and still talk about my educational plans with my kids through afterschooling, but get vibes of"Why are you still here? You aren't one of us anymore".

 

I don't know if I am just building this reaction up in my mind and am just being paranoid. For those of you who went from HSing to PS, did you encounter this problem? If so, how did you deal with it? I know I shouldn't really care what people think of the well-thought out choices my family has made for school, but I do care about these people, and wish I could still enjoy all of the same things we used to enjoy together without the PS-Sell-out stigma hanging over my head.

 

One of my good friends (we did everything with their family) put her kids in school a few years ago. I cried. I didn't judge her or view her as selling out or any of that. She just did what she had to do. I knew it, I was just sad because I knew it meant we wouldn't be seeing as much of them and we didn't. I felt like I had lost my partner in crime, if you will. That said, I know there are several people on the boards who don't homeschool any longer and yet participate. The thing is, some of them have more knowledge and experience than people currently homeschooling. So why would I judge that they shouldn't participate? Maybe I'm posting where I don't belong since I don't afterschool but I wanted to answer your post. :grouphug:

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I'm sorry this is happening to you. I can kind of relate, in reverse. I always intended to homeschool, but put my dc in ps school until two years ago. I get neg comments about hsing all the time and feel as though I am losing my best friend because of it.

 

I'm sure she is feeling like Mrs. Mungo, that she doesn't have her pal anymore. We talked and/or saw each other daily when my kids were in ps. She also just doesn't get homeschooling at all. I get the impression from her that she thinks we aren't giving our kids a "real" education.

 

Anyhoo, I don't "belong" on this board either, but wanted to answer your question anyway. I think most people here (on these boards) don't care if you are still homeschooling. You still have a lot to offer-kwim. If ps works for your family that is great! Do what works for your family and keep on offering your wisdom and experience to others. :)

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I've been in this situation. I put my ds in school for fourth grade and kept my dd home that year. It was an odd year and the few homeschoolers we hung around with started to not want to get together as much. The following year both kids went to school. Then this year we decided to homeschool again. Now we are finding most hsers don't want much to do with us. I think it is partly because our kids were exposed to the "real" world and they don't want their kids to have that exposure. With that being said, my kids will go back to ps for good next year because we had a good experience with it.

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Now we are finding most hsers don't want much to do with us. I think it is partly because our kids were exposed to the "real" world and they don't want their kids to have that exposure.

 

I really hate that there seems to be so much "my way or the highway" thinking on both sides. I say 'seems' because I am only getting my feet wet on the homeschooling thing, and I am already a little unsure how I will be received in hsing circles and with the more mainstream folk, with 1 at home, 2 in ps, 1 in private school, and 2 wee ones underfoot. What does that make me? I don't like labels. I do what I think is best and I'm not wed to anyone else's vision for my family.

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JuJuBee,

That was very well said. I think that our biggest problem lies in the fact that where I live, homeschooling is made up of mostly religious families. I don't know of a single secular homeschooler other than us. I find they do tend to be protective to the point that if it's not an event put on by homeschoolers, their children aren't allowed to do it. For an example, a homeschooler that was my best friend when I was homeschooling would drive 40 minutes each way to a homeschool sport league because she didn't want her kids doing sports with the public school kids right here in our own community. Same for musical instruments, she is driving 50 minutes each way to have her kids take music lessons that she could easily have them dual enrolled at our public school for. Our town offers TaeKwon Do and she is still driving them 50 minutes away for it to. To me, it doesn't make sense, especially financially.

 

Since our children have attended public school, she won't get together with us. She hasn't outright said why and always has an excuse but deep down I know why. It has really tore my kids apart because her children were my kids' best friends.

 

As for the original poster, follow your heart. If public school is working well for your family, stick with it. It will change friendships for you but I think you will find you will make just as many friends with other parents.

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...regarding making new friends, I have already experienced this. In fact, that is one of the things I really like about our current situation. I was very active with homeschooling, and have a lot of outstanding friends who are still HSing. But as far as day-to-day contact and getting to *be around* people, I am loving public school for the exposure to people some of the same things in common. I never thought I was lonely before, but now I feel like I must have been and not known it. For the first time I really feel like a part of our community and I am really enjoying that.

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JuJuBee,

That was very well said. I think that our biggest problem lies in the fact that where I live, homeschooling is made up of mostly religious families. I don't know of a single secular homeschooler other than us. I find they do tend to be protective to the point that if it's not an event put on by homeschoolers, their children aren't allowed to do it. For an example, a homeschooler that was my best friend when I was homeschooling would drive 40 minutes each way to a homeschool sport league because she didn't want her kids doing sports with the public school kids right here in our own community. Same for musical instruments, she is driving 50 minutes each way to have her kids take music lessons that she could easily have them dual enrolled at our public school for. Our town offers TaeKwon Do and she is still driving them 50 minutes away for it to. To me, it doesn't make sense, especially financially.

 

Since our children have attended public school, she won't get together with us. She hasn't outright said why and always has an excuse but deep down I know why. It has really tore my kids apart because her children were my kids' best friends.

 

Well...I would never have my kids dual-enrolled in public school because I don't want them to be part of the system. It has little to do with the kids. But that's only speaking for myself. We are Christian but we do Halloween and Harry Potter. I hang out with a variety of people but I will agree that the majority of my friends are fundies or hippies (said with love, no judgement).

 

And with your other post-do you think it's because the parents didn't want them exposed or because they are comfortable with their own group? Being military we move around a lot and it can be hard to break into those established groups.

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Well...I would never have my kids dual-enrolled in public school because I don't want them to be part of the system. It has little to do with the kids. But that's only speaking for myself. We are Christian but we do Halloween and Harry Potter. I hang out with a variety of people but I will agree that the majority of my friends are fundies or hippies (said with love, no judgement).

 

And with your other post-do you think it's because the parents didn't want them exposed or because they are comfortable with their own group? Being military we move around a lot and it can be hard to break into those established groups.

 

 

I do understand not wanting to dual enroll. I guess I was just giving that as an example because that's what we chose to do. There are still plenty of people locally that give lessons around here. My family is actually christian but we call ourselves secular because we don't fit in with the christians, especially homeschoolers. We are just not religious enough for them. We also do Halloween and Harry Potter.

 

This parent has actually told me that she would never consider putting her children in an activity in our local town. It's not just this one family, others are driving all over the place to keep there children with other homeschoolers only. It just saddens me that any child educated in the public school system is judged because of where they are receiving their education.

 

Anyway, I'm getting off of the original topic here so I will stop. For our family, we have found we are more accepted by the public school families and as our children are getting older, we are finding that the need to be in public school is getting greater. In our case, our kids are missing out socially by being home because the homeschool groups here are so judgemental. This will be our last and final year of homeschooling both of our kids.

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Hmmmm, I'm not sure why anyone would try to impose their lifestyle on another person. I used to have my oldest in private school, then I homeschooled him, now he's back in private school. My youngest went to private pre-schools and kindergarten, then came home. Who knows what the future holds?

 

I haven't ever had anyone treat me in a weird manner because I *don't* homeschool; of course there are plenty who treat me weirdly because I *do* homeschool, LOL. I guess I would expect the latter more than the former, as we homeschoolers are still bucking the status quo.

 

I suppose it could be that some get so invested in their homeschooling lifestyle that they can't see why someone would do anything else. This sort of reminds me of some La Leche folks I've seen who condemn women who don't/can't breastfeed indefinitely. That's really the only place I've seen that kind of militarism regarding a particular lifestyle. Hey, it's good to have a focus in life, but I can't see trying to impose one's own focus on the entire world, ya know?

 

I think that I'd just be quite frank with my friends and tell them that you're happy with your newly found situation and going to continue it, asking that they please respect your decision and refrain from disaproval.....

 

Regena

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This sort of reminds me of some La Leche folks I've seen who condemn women who don't/can't breastfeed indefinitely. That's really the only place I've seen that kind of militarism regarding a particular lifestyle.

 

Aw, that makes me sad. I was a LLLLeader for several years and tried never to judge other people's decisions. After all, doing what's best for your own family is a big part of the LLL philosophy. But there are "fundamentalists" in every group, I suppose.

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First of all, hugs to you!

 

Secondly, you are in a predicament in which "The more I open my mouth, the more I have to eat my words" may apply. By your own admission you were a "passionate homeschooler," so all those words you so passionately spoke on the subject are now coming back to your plate.

 

I agree with JuJuBee who asks, "Who am I?" in relation to how and where her children are learning and growing. That is a GREAT question, and one that only she can answer for herself.

 

People who make a choice to swim upstream necessarily lay out for themselves the rationale for doing so. They continually reassess and ask, "WHY are we doing this?" We order and organize ourselves first, then act on the vision, even when it means being seen as "different." This is a good application of inner convictions, but it can go awry.

 

The mutant judgmental gene in the homeschooling pool would insist on applying my personal vision to you and you and you. It would want to draw a very solid line between "them" and "us." We see people with children and the first question that comes to mind is, "Are they PSers or HSers?" We even think we can KNOW based on how the children are behaving! At times this factor -- where they go to school -- seems to be the only basis for relationship. How pathetic.

 

The fact is, as mothers and fathers, we are responsible to ensure that our children ARE learning and growing. If the best place or method for that right now is X, then go with X.

 

My husband and I say that we want to homeschool the girls as long as we feel it is the best thing to do. None of this set-in-stone "All parents should always homeschool" garbage, because then, later, we might have to eat our words. We are not less committed to our children because we keep it flexible (tentative?), we just know that life's circumstances can change.

 

You had a hard pregnancy (I had 2 of them and my heart goes out to you) and an ill father. Don't beat yourself up over this. It came your way and you dealt with it. Your children probably learned a lot about life from the way you handled these crises. Perhaps they also learned that you so highly value learning, you were willing to go through hell for them to get it.

 

I don't know what or how much you said in support of homeschooling back when you were homeschooling, back when it was working for you -- but probably a lot, right? Were you adamant and dogmatic? If so, these words are coming back to you. It's okay, there is a way to deal with it.

 

Maybe you will have to say to your family and friends, You know, I did say this and that about homeschooling, when my circumstances were such and so, and I really believed and lived out what I said. But then, THIS happened, and it radically changed the way I could lead my children, it altered the way we could handle it all. So we turned a corner and we changed directions and that's okay with me!

 

On the other hand, your friends might feel as though YOUR decision changed THEIR lives in significant ways, and you didn't even ask their permission first! I don't know what you can do about that part, except to acknowledge their losses while asking them to acknowledge your crisis. Nobody's lived through it but you, so they can NOT judge you.

 

 

 

 

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I enrolled my oldest ds in ps last fall. I still have one at home who will go to ps next year. Like you, I am very pleased with our ps experience so far. It was the best decision for my ds (9th gr). And, yes, I have suffered some backlash b/c of it.

 

I have been involved in a hs group for 7 years, and sending ds to ps was a big deal. I was a leader of this group for a couple of years. People ask me how ds is dong, and by their comments and reactions, I get the impression they don't want to hear he is doing so well. I know there has been "talk", b/c I've received phone calls from hsers I hadn't seen in a long time wondering if it's true, that I put my ds in ps. Our hs group is Christian, but we all have our own denominations and our activities aren't faith-based. Ds' hsed friends have exhibited a lack of tolerance for his being psed (I won't even go there, it gets me too upset!), although I know it's based on what they've heard from their parents.

 

I never thought I'd put either of my dc in ps, but I really had to do what I felt was best for my son, and I'm so glad I did. I haven't told my hs group that I won't be hsing next year, mostly b/c I want my hsed ds to be able to participate in activities for the remainder of this year w/out us having to deal with other people's issues.

 

Several years ago, I counseled a friend on this very issue. At the time, she had 4 children under the age of 6. She was overwhelmed and wanted to put her oldest 2 in ps. She had been taught most of her life that hsing was "God's way" and was under tremendous pressure from her family, friends, and a certain Christian doctrine, to hs her children. We had many conversations where I had to remind her that enrolling a child in ps is not a sin. She finally did, her boys did well there, and later she was able to bring them home and now hs her 6 dc.

 

It's all about us doing what we feel is best for our dc. Hugs to you during this time. :grouphug:

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Our dd went to public high school three years ago and I've kept posting. I don't feel any disapproval at all on the boards, but then perhaps I am insensitive? :001_huh: Also, my dd was older when she went back to ps.

 

I can see that reaction being more common in a non-virtual homeschooling community because you are no longer participating in the daily life of the community.

 

Just remember that bean dip can be passed about your decision for ps, just as it can be passed for a decision to homeschool. You are just passing the bean dip among different people!

 

We all have to live our own lives. Family and friends may mean well, but they never have the whole picture that we have. Personally, I would develop a thicker skin and simply ignore any bad vibes you get. They will go away.

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First, a bit of background...

 

I HS'd my kids up until last year due to a hard pregnancy and my father's illness. I was a very passionate homeschooler, very active. If you had told me before I became pregnant that my kids would ever go to PS, I'd have thought you were crazy!!!

 

When I made the decision to put them in school, I had a mixed reaction. Some begged and implored me not to do it...it couldn't be worth it. Some were mad at me, others told me they were disappointed in me. Some of my own family screamed at me about it over the phone. At that time, I was totally convicted that it would only be for one year, then we'd return full-force to HSing.

 

What I didn't bank on was enjoying PS so much. This has led to much anguish over what to do for next year, as I stated in an earlier post. I confess that a great deal of my anguish comes from fearing a negative reaction from my friends. As I said before I get this sense of them viewing me as "selling out". I still frequent the homeschooling boards and join in the threads regarding curriculum and still talk about my educational plans with my kids through afterschooling, but get vibes of"Why are you still here? You aren't one of us anymore".

 

I don't know if I am just building this reaction up in my mind and am just being paranoid. For those of you who went from HSing to PS, did you encounter this problem? If so, how did you deal with it? I know I shouldn't really care what people think of the well-thought out choices my family has made for school, but I do care about these people, and wish I could still enjoy all of the same things we used to enjoy together without the PS-Sell-out stigma hanging over my head.

 

We still love you! :-)

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