How is your children's social life?

[gingersmom]

Uggh. I can't believe I am asking this.

 

Disclaimer: I am not one of those people who think homeschoolers get no socialization, etc.

 

I was discussing homeschooling through high school with my daughter. She is in her first year homeschooling and academically it is going amazing. She has friends who do not homeschool but has made little/no effort to connect with other homeschoolers.

 

My concern is that high school could be very lonely for her if she does not connect with other teens so she could attend homeschool prom and other events.

 

Do your homeschooled teens take advantage of the social gatherings? Do they miss the public school events like football games, prom, dances, etc?

[PollyOR]

My 14yo has always homeschooled so she isn't really aware of what is available to most youth her age. She hears about it from other youth at church but she doesn't really know....if that makes sense. Also, she's an introvert and wouldn't participate anyway.

 

My next child will definitely be out there seeking fun. She is a social butterfly. I think it will be more through the youth at church than other homeschoolers. I have a feeling she'll get involved with the public school scene through her friends at church. We don't socialize with other homeschoolers. Nothing against homeschoolers ;). We just don't have time to fit in more social activities once school and church are taken care of.

[Cathy in TX]

Uggh. I can't believe I am asking this.

 

Do your homeschooled teens take advantage of the social gatherings? Do they miss the public school events like football games, prom, dances, etc?

 

I was worried about those things, too. But here we are in the second year of high school, and those things have worked out. Dd told me earlier today that a boy has already asked her to go to the homeschool formal with him in the spring.

 

Because she has a friend who recently started public school, dd and a group of mostly homeschooled friends were able to join their p.s. friend at the football games this year.

 

Two weeks ago dd went to a masquerade ball/dance for halloween. She had a great time. So the answer is no, they don't have to miss out on these things. Just look in your area and see what is available. We've been pleasantly surprised at all there is.

 

Cathy

[Vicki]

My homeschooled teens do take advantage of social gatherings. My youngest dd goes to high school football games with a group of homeschooled girls almost every Friday night. We belong to a jr./senior high co-op that has classes and activities. My daughter also plays on our homeschool basketball team, she is captain. Her team plays homeschool, private, and smaller public school teams. She has also attended a homeschool prom. We are also active in our church. My youngest ds is 13 and is active in our co-op and church. I will say that there are more opportunities today than there were when my oldest ds was being homeschooled. He still stayed active in Awanas, Boy Scouts, and played on a city ice hockey team. My oldest dd was active in girl scouts, our co-op, CBS Bible studies for teens, and volunteer work. My middle ds had a small group of friends that he jammed with on his guitar and drums. He also attended our co-op and did early enrollment at our community college.

God bless,

Vicki

[mrscopterdoc]

My daughter does Taekwondo, church youth group 2 nights a week, a homeschool teen book group and I still think that she is a homebody. :D She feels that is *enough* for her and I respect her decision. She is also involved in the homeschol group and they do a spring dance.

 

I look at it this way...I went to public school and I did not go to the Homecoming Dance [and not because I wasn't asked] and .....I survived. :lol: I do not mean to offend anyone, I go through bouts of doubting myself, my decisions, and also worrying that I will raise a horribly un-socialized daughter. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the best that I can for her and all will work out just fine.

[Starr]

I'm of the mind that most of the world lives without a prom so my children will too. :) We have homeschool friends but are not part of a group that has graduation or dances. The kids are busy with church, Irish dance, mock trial (at the ps) , a college class, professional children's choir, piano and getting together with friends from time to time. It all seems to work out as the years go on. Our most difficult friend issues seem to be resolved and dd has moved on to other activities. I would consider seeing how things go.

[Laurie4b]

I was worried about them missing all the high school trappings as well. I really wish our state let homeschoolers do sports, take some classes, etc. but they don't. My kids have played on a homeschool sports' team (they quit because it was pretty far away and too much of a drive), club sports, karate, lots of drama camps, Toastmasters, youth group, etc. Our homeschool group does a prom and the kids mostly go unpaired (though they can go as dates) and have a good time. They hang out with their friends at the mall, they go to the movies, have garage bands, go on mission trips, etc. I wish that more of their friends were not homeschoolers--for diversity's sake, but they get some of that through club sports, youth group, etc. I figure that with their outside classes, they've got about the same number of peers as kids in a high school --not the same total class size, but there were about the same 30 or so kids who were in nearly all of my classes in high school. So their experience is similar. An outside job would help, but oldest ds's best way of earning money is giving lessons, so meeting friends through working at a local restaurant, etc. will probably not happen.

[rwjx2khsmj]

Way better than mine!:tongue_smilie:

 

My dd is still connected to the ps by a band class and her friends. I've also watched her s-l-o-w-l-y make friends with some homeschoolers. I keep reminding myself that if she were to change schools in a ps setting she'd immediately be immersed in that environment for 7 hours a day. With homeschool, she spends maybe 2 hours a week with her new peers. It's going to take longer to build the friendships but, hopefully, they will be lasting.

[Sophia]

My concern would be that her school friends will drift away from not seeing her every day like they previously did.

If that happened to my teens and they didn't have other friends to keep them busy, that would definitely make life difficult. My teens are extroverts, though, and don't need to be told twice to get out there and meet some people :tongue_smilie:.

 

If I were you, I would definitely be networking with other moms of teens, looking for opportunities to get your dd connected with some other kids. She may not find her "kindred spirit", but then again, she just might.:001_smile:

[TravelingChris]

I have two I am homeschooling and both are teens. My older dd has enough social outlets for her. She did dive tem in the summer and went to social things with those kids (pancake breakfast, movie nights, etc). SHe is both in adult choir and children's choir and goes to things like kick-off dinner and rehearsal breakfast with the adults. SHe plays soccer (almost over). She does debate, 4h and the honor society. She has gone to a hoedown dance with the speech and debate people. She also goes to co-op. FOr her, this is enough social activities.

 

Her younger sister does some of the same things, but substitute debate for Odyssey of the Mind, take away the honor society and add band. SHe is only in the youth choir and she likes to talk to kids in church, at co-op, at soccer, etc. SHe is my social butterfly but fortunately for her, a homeschooling friend lives a few blocks away and they see each other often. She is the one I need to make sure has friends and this area has been great for her. If we move to an isolated area with much fewer homeschoolers, I would have to reconsider what we are doing.

[Faithr]

My oldest dd is very extroverted and she had friends who were homeschoolers, private schoolers and publics schoolers. My son has been lonely since my dd went to college because he is not nearly as social and she nicely provided all the social life he needed. However, he took the bull by the horns and started forging his own thing. He does attend a teen group at church and he does things with our youth ministry. He's also made friends through music. And he keeps himself busy! He doesn't really do that much with other homeschoolers right now. The teen group around here has kind of fallen apart and there don't seem to be many boys his age that aren't quite a distance to drive to. My 14 yo is shy and much happier to stay to at home. He'll probably change as he gets older, but right now, doing a few things at church and occasionally seeing his best friend (who he has been friends with forever) who used to homeschool but now goes to a private school, seems to be enough for him. He also hangs out with his 17 yo brother and his 10 yo brother and he is fine with that so far.

[MamaT]

My 16yo is very social. Most of his friends go to ps. He goes with them to ballgames and goes and works out at the high school usually once a week after school. He knows the coach because he participates in track through the local high school. If they have something social at the school, he usually has a girl ask him to go with them. So far, he has declined. :001_smile:

 

He has a few homeschool friends, but they are not close friends. He also has friends from church.

 

Most weekends he does things with friends on Friday night and they hang together until Sunday afternoon unless we have something planned for our family. We usually have an extra teenage boy or two that goes to church with us on Sunday mornings.

 

Sometimes his ps friends come over when they get out of school and go home after dinner. Sometimes I wish he was a little LESS social.

[AngelaNYC]

My 13y/o has an incredible social life. I feel that homeschooling has given her the opportunity to have more friends, not less. Without the school pressure to conform or else, she's more of a real person and I think that's what draws other kids to her.

[Nan in Mass]

But then, I didn't do things like that when I was in public school, either, so it never occurred to me to worry about them. My son has friends that live far away who are homeschoolers, and ones that live in town who are public schooled. He goes to gymnastics and church social events. The rest of the time, he and his in-town friends play various games at each others' houses or the library. Their friendship is based on a mutual interest in stragegy games. Sometimes they will see a movie together or something. They stretch each other intellectually. My son's friends don't do dances or proms, either, so the lack won't be noticed. What will be a problem is that the friends may go off to college a year or two before my son. Hopefully mine will be in community college and making new friends by then. Perhaps you will find that although as homeschoolers you won't have proms and football games, other more interestin social opportunities will arise, ones like volunteering at a museum.

-Nan

[Lori D.]

How is your children's social life?

 

Extremely social! :tongue_smilie:

 

This is year ten of homeschooling for us, and each year the amount of socializing has increased; especially since hitting high school, they do a LOT with other teens:

 

- weekly church youth group

- most Sundays invite a friend over for the afternoon

- weekly Youth & Government (teen mock legislation program) local delegation meeting, and then twice in the semester their delegation goes to the capital and meets with all the other state teen delegation members for the mock legislation session

- monthly homeschool group Student Council members

- monthly homeschool group social activity

- bi-monthly homeschool group high school level field trip

- bi-monthly airsofting event with other teens from the area

- public school tennis team

 

 

 

My concern is that high school could be very lonely for her if she does not connect with other teens so she could attend homeschool prom and other events. Do your homeschooled teens take advantage of the social gatherings? Do they miss the public school events like football games, prom, dances, etc?

 

We occasionally go to the football games at the public high school in our neighborhood (and since they also play on the school's tennis team, they have met a few people).

 

We have boys, and they are so NOT into proms or dances. :tongue_smilie: But if they were, there is an organization for helping homeschool groups host their own prom. It seems to me that most of the homeschool students we know enjoy involvement in one or more groups, meet like-minded friends, and then branch out and do social things together from there. Ideas for involvement to meet friends:

 

- drama: Christian Youth Theater or a local community teen drama group

- public/private high school sports team or a local soccer club team

- public/private high school debate team, National Forensics League, Toastmasters, Communicators for Christ

- 4-H (not just about animals!)

- public/private high school orchestra or band, Junior Strings, or other city-wide teen orchestra/band

- Youth & Government, Teen Pact, Junior Achievement, or other national high school group with local chapter

- book club

- check out the social group (which also mentors and serves) that a teen girl organized: http://gnuhaus.com/reachout/

- volunteering and/or community service with other homeschool teens

 

 

You may also need to be willing to start and/or host something to get a group going. See if you can find other homeschool parents willing to alternate weeks of hosting something, or willing to partner with you to start and organize something. Also, encourage your student to step out and try organizing something (with your support and advice to help it succeed) -- teens can do amazing things if we give them some encouragement -- read the book "Do Hard Things" by a pair of homeschooled teen twins.

 

We are finding high school an amazingly rich social time that is encouraging our sons (and me too!) to step out, do more, learn, be stretched, get involved, meet new friends.... Welcome to homeschooling, and may your whole family enjoy this new journey you have embarked upon! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Linda1951]

My DD is 15 and a half and 9th gr.

She goes to youth group at church every Wednesday and church and sunday school. Her Sunday School class goes out to eat together the last Sunday of the month as a group. She used to be shy, but found out from her Sunday School teacher that she has had three years in a row that is has opened up and blossomed. The girls really like her and she has a lot of fun.

I am not worried about a prom because she is not interested in it.

She is not interested in boys yet either.

[gingersmom]

Thanks to everybody for your responses.

 

I'm feeling a bit less stressed.

 

My daughter is on a skating team and has made many friends there. For many years it has been her mail source of socialization. I have a feeling that will continue. They train together several days a week and travel to competitions together, stay at hotel together, etc.

 

She has not really kept in touch with her public school friends (except for the ones who skate).

 

While there are other homeschoolers around, I don't live in a state where you can take classes at the public school or participate in other activities. When you hit the teen years there are limited social outings.

 

Lots to think about!

[Storm Bay]

My eldest's social life is very tiny. However, it would be even if she were in ps (she used to be there.) She doesn't have a need for a lot of friends and only wants a couple. She is also the different kid. She has benefited from being at home because we pulled her out before the teasing for being different started and her self esteem has remained healthy. She is with other teens 4-5 days a week, but is not one of the crowd, although she does try to exert herself silently (someone else I met pointed that out and said that that was her in high school & she went to ps.) That said, it's time to expand it, but it hasn't been easy where we are. She has a great time in her Chem lab, where I leave the teens to do the labs themselves and it's as much social as it is Chemistry, but it's not likely she'll be getting together with them outside of it due to where people live, etc. I think that as she gets older and gets into what she enjoys, the social life will come, based on what I've seen, but not in the swim world as much as the math/science world as well as with our church when she gets a bit older and can travel to meet more teens (none in ours around here.)

Edited November 15, 2009 by Karin

[mktkcb]

Probably a little too social :o)! Lets see I have 3 kids (1 Jr. high, 1 high school, 1 CC)....community theater (all 3), homeschool PE/sports (2), choir (2), music lessons (2), art lessons (1), AWANA (3), and Boy scouts (1). We are at church every Sun as well, and are very active there. My kids don't miss anything since they don't know anything different. Our homeschool group has multiple opportunities to do field trips, etc. My middle dd will be going to the prom/thingie this year (oldest didn't do this - she does NOT like dressing up/dancing/fancy anything). We are busy (maxed out, I would say.....can't add anything else IOW), but happily so. Most things are 1x per week. We don't do major team sports (just differently gifted children) that require multiple practices every week. My kids like socializing, but aren't addicted to it. I would find avenues for your dd to connect. I think it is important for them to be interacting *out there* more when they get this age.

[StephanieZ]

My dc have such busy social lives that dh and I don't have time for a social life of our own, lol

 

Ways we connect with other kids. . . scouting, book club, music gatherings, birthday parties, cooperative learning projects (ongoing get togethers on topics we are jointly studying. . . This year we get together with 2 other families every 2 weeks to do Story of Science +/- ancient history jeopardy & meal. . . Every year I try to organize something along these lines with one or two compatible families. Next year we'll be doing the same SoS/HX get togethers PLUS a weekly meeting for a literature program I'll lead for my dd and one or more other friends), ski club, swim lessons, "play dates"/sleep overs. . . It is endless. The more they get out there, the more opportunities arise. I do make an effort to prioritize social opportunities, ESPECIALLY those that include other hs'ers. I make time, find the $$, throw fun b'day parties, always say YES to sleepovers, etc if I possibly can. . .