X post: disappointed

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

If you read my thread about reading only last week, you'll know my dd17 HS senior has been very sick. Add that to a move last year, and financial stress and we've come up VERY short in making college preparations. In fact, we haven't made any college preparations.

 

The move was completely unplanned and terribly stressful for the whole family. Especially dd17 who had already made some plans. She was completely upset by moving and was treated for depression. She became completely unmotivated to do anything to apply for college.

 

I, myself, had a difficult time with moving. Plus, financial problems hit. I became so involved with making ends meet, encouraging dh that he had made the right career move, cheering up 3 other depressed kids, trying to continue home school, etc... I just let the college prep job drop.

 

For a year and a half, the ACT date would sneak up on me and pass. I missed many important dates, events, deadlines over the past year because my brain has been so focused on TODAY that I have not planned well for many things. The ACT was on of them.

 

She finally took it in Aug. Right at the beginning of Mono. She made a 17 and was/is depressed. And she is angry at me for waiting so late in the game to get her registered. She is taking it again in Dec. and we are hoping for a 20.

 

She's an average kid with a great talent in art. We were not expecting high "scholarship" scores, but were at least expecting a minimal acceptance score.

 

Financially, we are unable to send her anywhere except the local community college. And that only if she is working. She really doesn't want to go to CC, but would rather "get away from home" and live in a dorm.

 

Is it too late to apply for college?

 

I think she could get a talent scholarship if she can be accepted to a state universtiy.

 

Hey and she is really really sick. She'll probably finish out this semester only reading her assignments.

 

I'm just really disappointed in myself and my lack in this whole matter. Her senior year and immediate future plans are turning out MUCH different than we had expected several years ago.

 

Should I go ahead and start all the application process knowing how ill she is and with her ACT score? OR Should I wait until she's better and has a better ACT?

 

I'm beating myself up over all this.

Thanks for any and all replies!

__________________

Pam L

Loving Life in Middle Tennesee

[Brenda in MA]

Pam,

 

I really can't answer your question about whether to apply now, but you and your family will be in my prayers.

 

One thought -- could you/she plan for a gap year between finishing high school or college? Or perhaps since she's so sick, you could have her take 2 years to finish senior year and apply to college as a high school senior next fall?

 

Brenda

[Nan in Mass]

Accepting limitations and doing the best within them is hard. I had a son who decided not to go to college (until a few years later) and I was disappointed, even though he had a good alternate plan, one that we all thought would work fine.

 

It is a vicious downward spiral, being depressed because of something bad leads to not being able to do things because you are depressed and that makes you more depressed about your situation. And being sick just makes the whole thing worse. It takes a few years until you feel stable after being depressed. Going away to college might not be a good idea, anyway. It might be better to wait until she can go someplace she'd like better and try for those scholarships. If she's feeling better in the spring, perhaps she could take a few classes at the CC. That might ease your load, give her something extra on her transcript, and let her feel like she's really accomplishing something. Our CC has art classes because of its graphic arts major. Perhaps yours does, too? It might be more acceptable to her to go to the CC as a high school student, less discouraging to her. And then once she is there, she might not mind so much going for another semester or two while she gets a good portfolio together? Maybe?

 

-Nan

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Thank you so much for your replies.

Still thinking about it all.

Pam

[Sebastian (a lady)]

A couple quickie thoughts - the die for your life is NOT cast at 17 with college apptitude exams and college applications.

 

It sounds like this last year has unhinged your whole family. That doesn't mean that all is lost for the future.

 

If your daughter's passion is in art, what is college going to provide her? Will it bring her focused art instruction, access to facilities and mentorship? Will it provide her a good general education as a fall back? Will it give her business education for not being taken advantage of?

 

What does she want to be doing in 5/10/15 years? How does a go away college (with the college debt that entails) fit into this plan? What is the opportunity cost of trying to go to school right at the end of this school vs CC for a couple of semesters? (For example, how much could she afford in art supplies if she were doing basic freshman coursework at CC instead of state uni? Could she afford trips to see art exhibits?

 

I frequently end up counseling students who don't get their first choice with regards to service academy applications. One of the things I tell them is that there is nothing to stop them from applying again, from their freshman year of college. In fact it makes them a more known quantity (especially as homeschoolers). The ranks of top students at the Naval Academy often includes those who went to college somewhere else for a year and kept applying.

 

The gap year idea sounds great. It gives her time to get healthy, study for exams, take some CC courses, and build a portfolio.

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Thank you all so much for every single comment and reply. Her illness is just ONE of several very SERIOUS problems we are facing right now. And, when there are several serious problems all at once, it is more difficult to make decisons for each individual thing.

 

I will:

1. Concentrate on her getting well FIRST.

2. Talk to our umbrella school about tweaking the senior year.

3. Forget about college apps "for now."

4. Seriously consider CC for when she is better.

 

Once again,

Thank you!

:grouphug:

Pam

[Guest Katia]

I know I'm coming late to this conversation, but if you looking at cc then you don't really need to worry about ACT testing. At all cc that I am aware of, you simply apply and are immediately accepted. You take the COMPASS test for placement if you don't have ACT scores. It's a pretty simple process.

 

And, there are good community colleges that have dorms where you can stay away from home. And good art programs, good music programs and credits that transfer to state universities. Oh, and good grades result in good scholarship money AND low-income parents result in good federal grants.

 

My ds did the cc route because we had NO MONEY. We paid a small amount (student loan) for his first semester. The next three semesters were all free because of academic scholarships, federal grants, etc. He transferred into the state U, where he also got good scholarships/grants/loans and he graduated with his BA in Computer Science with a little under $30K in loans (and that included a semester studying at a Japanese college in Japan) and using the college's job fair he secured a fantastic job as a computer programmer.

 

Community college is not the end of the world or a terrible option. Here is a site that ranks community colleges:

 

http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2007/0709.ccrankings.html

 

My ds attended #17 on the list because it was the closest to where we live. The dorms are...well....dorms, but they are not horrible at all. Look at the list and see which is closest to you and if they have dorms available, then start researching it.

 

And don't feel so bad. I've had to deal with the moving thing with a teen as well, and the depression..........it was with the above-mentioned son and it was this community college that brought him back to life. The profs there do whatever it takes to help the kids succeed; all they have to do is ask. Amazing.