Please help me see this clearly

[Dooley]

Me and my 2nd dd are clashing over schedules. She wants to do her work fast and hopefully graduate early. She has a few classes she probably can knock out by January. She also has a few we do through a co-op that will last all year. I worry that I have no control (:001_smile:) and no idea of what she is doing.

 

I want her to adhere to a schedule, but she wants to do it all on her own. She is trustworthy. I want my students all, to work independently. So why am I so concerned that I am not too involved with her work?? Her tests are ok, she struggles with writing, but our co-op has a wonderful tutor.

 

She is my first highschooler. Perhaps this is it. My oldest dd was, how shall I say....asked to go to public school by me when half way through freshman year.

 

Maybe I just need some of you experienced high school moms to pat my head and tell me it will all be fine, and tell me WHY it will be fine.

 

I look forward to hearing from you-

[HSHS]

So is the problem that you want to know what she's working on at what time or you want to know she's done it? Maybe a conferance between the two of you in the evening would be a good idea? DD's one of those kids who asks everyone "so what are you doing today?" so we always get a conversation going that leads to what she'll be working on that day.

 

And I'm virtual-patting you on the head. :] You'll be fine!

[Laurie4b]

Me and my 2nd dd are clashing over schedules. She wants to do her work fast and hopefully graduate early. She has a few classes she probably can knock out by January. She also has a few we do through a co-op that will last all year. I worry that I have no control (:001_smile:) and no idea of what she is doing.

 

I want her to adhere to a schedule, but she wants to do it all on her own. She is trustworthy. I want my students all, to work independently. So why am I so concerned that I am not too involved with her work?? Her tests are ok, she struggles with writing, but our co-op has a wonderful tutor.

 

She is my first highschooler. Perhaps this is it. My oldest dd was, how shall I say....asked to go to public school by me when half way through freshman year.

 

Maybe I just need some of you experienced high school moms to pat my head and tell me it will all be fine, and tell me WHY it will be fine.

 

I look forward to hearing from you-

 

 

I would either 1) ask her to set up a schedule with checkpoints of where she should be when and you check in at those checkpoints or 2) set it up with her (not for her) Then set up an agreement: if she isn't where she should be at the checkpoints, then you get involved. If she is, you stay out of it. Then let her work independently. If she messes up, work with her a while, then give her a chance to be independent again.

 

What you then involve yourself with is being her mom: chatting with her, doing non-school stuff together sometimes, having her friends over and getting to know them.

 

I kinda think it's like when your child learned to walk. At first you hold both their hands... then they take a step or two without you and fall... but you've got to let them do that more than once so that they can cruise without you. It's a little more obvious when they're little just when you should let go and let them try on their own though!

[Dooley]

I guess I need you guys to tell me that your kids did just fine at their pace and you were not involved daily - except when asked.

 

When I sit down and write out my feelings, I see that its a control issue. But I want to know that other moms have gone down this road and their students have done well.

[HSHS]

As we've only got a 9th grader at the minute, I suppose I'm not the one that can give you that reassurance but I think just asking her in a non-nagging way (I start arguments accidentally sometimes when it sounds like I'm nagging but I'm not. Teenagers!) what she's up to, what she's doing that day, etc is a good thing to do whether to check she's doing the work she needs to or keeping up with her life, sort of.

 

My DD is very organised with the stuff she needs to do each day, but she doesn't schedule it at all. She says she can never time how long something will take and prefers to do each thing from beginning to end then move on to something else so a schedule might not work for your daughter. My DD doesn't like to keep track of how long something took her either because it puts her off even bothering to start because she knows it'll take a while.

 

I'm sure lots of others will chime in with some encouragement for you too. :)

[Chris in VA]

I wasn't around daily, and my son faltered because of it. I highly, highly regret that time.

He was, however, not self-motivated (not extremely so, anyway), and not very good at asking for help. He needed me to stay on him, by his own admission.

Your dd, otoh, sounds much different!

 

If you want to stay connected but are willing to back down off the control stuff, I think you can find some curricula that requires discussion and "back-and-forth." Not sure what you are using for lit and history, but lots of choices in those key subjects do require some face time btwn parent and child. She could decide when to discuss, if she needs that kind of control.

 

Also, why is she flying thru her stuff? Maybe it's time for CC or something more challenging, like an AP course. What do you think?

[Dooley]

Chris - I think she wants to fly through stuff cause friend of hers have - cause she is very anxious to get on with life and fulfilling dreams. She has not always been so academic. She used to worry me with her inability to concentrate. It became a joke. But in this last year or so she has grown by leaps and bounds. Her older sister finished early, her younger brother skipped a grade. Maybe she is coming into her own and I am not ready do admit it.

 

I just dont want to mess it up for her.

[HSHS]

My DD is set on college at least two years early, but is aiming for even quicker so I know what you mean. (: How old is your DD? It could be, like you said, she's just coming into her own. But I would keep an eye and check she is doing the work. And maybe you should use quizes with her, etc so you can make sure she's taking it all in and agree that if she doesn't get over a certain percentage, she does it over and then you know she's mastering the material. :)

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe she could blog on her day's work each evening, and you can read about it the next morning? She might be more willing if the communication isn't face to face?

 

Rosie

[Dooley]

I realize how simplistic this sounds....but if she does fine on all the chapter tests, sections quizes, labs......should I just not worry?? Has this been your experience with high school; that its largely done by the student ALONE?

 

I have been homeschooling 10 years, I am experienced. But I dont understand my feelings about this, I suppose. Usually I am involved with all the kids are doing, if not directly, then indirectly. With Hannah, I usually have no clue what she is working on.....

 

I think I just need to chill out and go with the flow.....huh.

[creekland]

I am not all that experienced with homeschooling - this is just our 4th year. I have a senior, sophomore and 8th grader. All work independently without either hubby or myself helping them except to answer questions, have occasional discussions and grade their work.

 

My oldest two have done very well and have learned good time management skills that will be very useful in college and life. My youngest requires some 'reminding' to keep at his work to keep up to a schedule that has him finishing it on time. I feel this is consistent with his age.

 

My oldest son is applying to colleges now. He had a couple that wanted him to skip his senior year and go early. We declined - though he is doing one English cc class this year. My middle son will probably be similar as he has slightly higher test scores. I prefer my kids be kids when they can. They'll have enough time to be adults with all of its responsibilities. Neither hubby nor I felt any need to rush them - or let them fly away early just because they can. Everyone needs to decide that issue on their own though. We might let our 8th grade boost up a year as he was a December baby. He won't be a full year ahead - just half a year -and I don't think he's going to cherish two years at home alone after both his brothers leave. He's going to be itching to move on I think.

 

But yes, a well motivated teen can indeed do the bulk of their schooling on their own and do well - as have many greats in the past like George Washington Carver et al. I see my job as providing them sources (curriculum) or places to look for sources/questions (History Channel, libraries, etc)...

 

I substitute teach (math/science) in our local public high school. My kids tend to be far more knowledgeable on most (academic) things than their peers. They're also more in love with learning in general and at or near the top with their national test scores. Even though I don't teach my own (classroom style), I feel successful as a parent - and an educator.

[katilac]

To me, a lot would depend on what you mean by "her tests are okay" and how she plans to accelerate. If a student is working on their own at a fast pace AND clearly showing they understand the work, then great.

 

But if a student is sort of 'getting by' when working on their own, that would not be acceptable to me. If a student is capable of working at an A or B level at the normal pace, I would not allow them to drop to the C level just to finish more quickly.

 

By A-B-C level, I don't necessarily mean actual grades, but working at a higher level versus a lower level. For instance, a student could do a straight workbook style history class very quickly (read the text, take the test); to me, an A in that class would be worth far less than a B or even a C in a history class that required additional reading, essays, and discussion.

 

So, my requirements for acceleration are that the class not be watered down for that purpose, and that the student continues to work at the highest level he is capable of.

[Nan in Mass]

I always have a nagging feeling that if I'm not learning (or at least teaching), neither are my children. This was true when they were little, but is totally untrue now that they are older. It just is hard to get rid of the feeling. On the other hand, mine are good at picking out patterns that aren't true in all cases, just the ones they've seen, so part of that nagging feeling is wondering if they are learning lots of misconceptions that I am going to have to straighten out later, which is a horrible, horrible bother. (Thinking of our year of Saxon math here, where my son was getting the problems right but was busily building up a model of the world that didn't work.) This isn't very helpful, probably. Sorry. -Nan

[Chris in VA]

Just re-read your posts. I am going thru the "letting go" stage of my life, and I guess I see that there is some of that in your post. Just wanted to offer :grouphug: and say I know it's hard to let go.

[Nan in Mass]

Letting go is very hard. Losing control is only a minor inconvenience compared with losing the closeness and companionship and the support of our children. -Nan

[Dooley]

Letting go. Maybe that is just it. This is a child that always needed me, always seemed to need a gentle push or kiss. Now she has her own ideas and is taking off intellectually.

 

I did re-read and looks like I am the one that needs to get acclimated.

 

Thanks all, its good to know there is a place where one can just talk out stuff.... :grouphug: