need some brainstorming/perspective help with dd15....

[Peela]

This got long. Thanks if you wade through it :) I just needed to put it down on e-paper.

 

I am stumped at what to do with dd15 from here (she is only just 15). Its going to be hard to explain it because our educational system here in Australia is a bit different. In school, they would do the TEE (tertiary entrance exam) in years 11 and 12. She would start that next year- here, she would be halfway through year 10 if in school (our school year follows the calendar year). Or, she would take a less academic pathway and gain some sort of practical certificate or apprenticeship. However as a homeschooler she has just completed a TAFE certificate (technical and further education) that is at a higher level than they do in schools anyway- she could access TAFE at a fairly high level already. And one can go from TAFE to university easily. She could also do some university units online and get into uni that way.

 

If only she knew what she wanted to do. Which she doesn't. Which is my dilemna about what to do wth her.

She is bright, capable, and bent towards the liberal arts, and creative arts. She is a talented artist. But her father and I do not feel to put her through 3 or 4 years of university to get her a degree in visual arts. And she doesn't particularly want to do that either (she would rather do her own thing). She has a strong interest in online computer imaging- Photoshop etc. She loves photography. Probably graphic art. Film industry stuff. Media. Communications. But those are also all very popular areas and her father is unsure of whether that industry is too saturated nowadays too. We don't really know.

She is also interested in Beauty school, hairdressing etc, but I think that is a passing thing and we also have in mind a long term economic downturn. I try not to squash her dreams, but none are passionate enough that she will stand up for them. And, her father is a very "practical" man (he used to be a business man and now does run his own business from home).

 

I dont expect her to know what to do....I know that is normal and I dont want to push her...but gee, it sure would make my job easier!

She is a social butterfly (actually, if in school she would be a party animal and on the wild side). She has half a heart to go to school for the social side- which is precisely why we don't want her to go. We want to keep providing her with social and creative opportunities with us (in the community, Scouts- she is a good sailor, and she has strong leadership qualities) to keep her out of school. However, it is at the back of my mind- maybe she needs to experience it.

 

So now I have a whole heap of choices and basically she doesnt feel strongly enough about anything except wanting time to be creative, play and socialise. She will do any work I set her. But she is not what I would call a self directed learner in any academic sense. In fact- she is lazy. We have to force her to exercise. She would spend all day online if she could- playing on Photoshop, Sims, MSN, and on her My Space etc- unless she can be with her friends IRL.

 

Here are some choices I see:

Just keep her at home doing highschool with me, giving her plenty of time to follow her creative and social interests.

Have her go to school.

Have her do her TEE through a correspondence school, where I would lose control of what she learns, but at least there would be a certain standard and responsibility to an external authority, and she would (might?) have a sense of direction for the next two years, while she continues to follow her interests in her spare time.

Have her do a bridging course to university studies, and then a university unit, in year 12. Anything, just so she can experience it.

Spend the next two years with me then go to a college that does TEE when she is 17 as a mature aged student.

 

I don't think she needs the TEE to get into uni because there are alternate pathways. But I am now dithering about whether to set her on that pathway anyway just as a focus and something to do for the next 2 years.

 

I am concerned she will end up with nothing. And the truth is, that wouldn't be the end of the world. One can go to university or TAFE at any age. It seems strange to force someone to go who has no sense of direction in terms of a career. It might take her some years in the workforce, even flipping burgers, to realise the value of further education. It doesn't help that she has an accounting job with a friend where she already earns $20 an hour because he says she does better than anyone he has previously employed so he insists on an adult wage. She is competent and has good employable qualities- if she enjoys the environment. SO, she is not financially desperate. Maybe things will just be like that for her in her life, anyway.

 

I think she is going to be like her father and I ,and lead a more "alternative" lifestyle. Bohemian. I dont think she is going to get a job and career and settle down and have children and a mortgage and live happily ever after. She will do something unusual. Travel. Who knows. Her brother will probably be the one to focus on career and money.

 

I am finding myself waking up every day with all these thoughts going through my head. Anxiety about her. About making sure I cover all her bases for her. Making sure I don't cut her off from her dreams, while at the same time trying to keep things practical. I am sort of at a crossroads, but I don't actually need to do anything. We could just keep on doing our thing at home- you know, actually just getting a good education not related to getting anywhere in particular- and wait for the next move to become clear. But I keep wondering if I am missing something important and crucial. You know, that normal homeshooling mum stuff about ruining your child's life?

 

Any btdt words of wisdom?

Edited June 25, 2009 by Peela

[Osmosis Mom]

Peela,

 

I don't have any wise words. I am pretty traditional and seem to think that for my kids if I don't see them with a college-degree then I would have failed. So, to me the goal has always been to get them into a college where they'll have the opportunity to explore and delve deeper into whatever. I strongly believe that college is a place for self-development and a place to come away from with a higher self-esteem, knowing you got a degree. But this is coming from someone who got married out of high school and took 8 years and three continents to get a BA (studying for three of those eight years). It was a mountain to climb.

 

I think your dd is going to really develop her interests more firmly this year. In the US the kids enter college without a major, but I am thinking in Australia it is like in Europe and other places where you have a determined major upon entrance?

 

I can tell you I had a younger sister who was somewhat immature and did not get stellar grades in high school, at all. She took a year off and then entered college in what we thought was a very weird field (it was Danish and she later changed to linguistics). She *loves* her study. But she had to find it on her own. Plus she is the type who does not listen to others so it was up to her, knowing that the expectation was for her to indeed enter college.

 

So, I guess to me, it boils down to whether or not you have the expectation of college for dd. If so, then don't burn any bridges for her and in time she'll find her way.

[Peela]

Thanks Nadia.

So when a kid goes to college in the U.S., they don't necessarily know what they are going to do or where they will end up?

You can do a B.A.- a general degree in all sorts of things- here but the general thought is that it's great if you love to learn but not for a career. Mostly, kids go in knowing what they are going to do- a medical science degree, an environmental science degree, a business degree, a teaching degree.

 

Yes, I think my dilemma is that I am not sure I want to expect and push my kids into uni if they are completely wishy washy about what they want to do and whether they want to go. I am just not so sure it is as important as it is in the U.S. And I come from an academic family who considered it important- but I dropped out.

However, you are right...I need to make sure I don't burn any bridges.

Since writing the post I have been feeling I need to just keep her at home and keep educating her my way. She seems to do well when put in academic situations- she is well "above average". So we must be doing something right.

[Osmosis Mom]

I am sure you are doing something really right, Peela. You are one of the most grounded, interesting people I *know* in cyberspace.

 

But yes, I would myself definitely direct my kids towards a college-degree. I feel it is my responsibility to have them enter college. What they then choose to do with their options is up to them. This is after they worked their **s off getting scholarships etc. and when they have hopefully matured enough that I trust them. That's the plan.

 

It is so much easier getting a college-degree when you are young and have no obligations.

 

In the US you declare a major after a few years of study (or less depending on your goals). But yes, I guess you are not likely to get a pre-med degree if you enrolled in an art school!!

[LoriM]

I think that when my dd was 15, I believed I "knew" what she was going to do. She was going to be an animator, and we planned her preparation for college with the end of an A.S. so that she could major in Computer Science/Art. After graduation, she was headed to grad school in California to one of the "feeder" universities for internship at Pixar. And she wanted to be Brad Bird. GRIN.

 

She took two science courses at the CC, made As but hated them both, and switched to an AA. Fine.

 

So we switched to "either Spanish or Math/ and art" still shooting for animation. She took copious amounts of Spanish and math, and at the point of transfer to the university, she decided on math. Fine.

 

That month, she met and fell in love with her (now) fiance. She continued to take lots of math and art. She loved both.

 

But then she took her animation studio. She hated it. Now, why was she majoring in art again?...Fine.

 

Now, at 20yo, she's a math major, with an art minor, and she plans to marry in January. She's a brilliant student (still a 4.0 GPA), and a sweet, talented girl. I couldn't be more proud. But other than marrying this young man, she has NO IDEA what she will do next. Grad school? Possibly. Struggle with some entry-level jobs not necessarily in her field just to pay the bills? Probably.

 

So, while I *thought* I had a clear vision, the truth is I was just enabling *her* vision by keeping her options as open as possible, and giving her lots of time to explore. At 15, who knew she'd be married at 20? Who knew she'd have graduted with a BA in mathematics? Who knew she'd hate animation? LOL. (That's not fair...she still loves animation. She just doesn't like the reality of producing it. Flash is not her friend. No computer anything is her friend. She like books. And paper. And drawing her graphs by hand.)

 

Anyway, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to not know *everything* about what your dd will be and do five years from now. Keep her options wide open. In the US, that means taking a wide path of general education courses for as long as possible...the "associate's degree" route. Then, maybe when she is 18, she'll have more focus. If not, as an adult, she can work for a year and find her niche.

 

I actually thought my dd would be well-suited for teaching abroad...and then the whole marriage-thing happened. LOL! Now I see that she'll be well-suited for homeschooling my grandchildren, and hopefully find some way to use her math/art skills in the workforce in the meantime while her soon-to-be DH gets his career established.

 

Lori

[katilac]

If only she knew what she wanted to do. Which she doesn't. Which is my dilemna about what to do wth her.

She is bright, capable, and bent towards the liberal arts, and creative arts. She is a talented artist. But her father and I do not feel to put her through 3 or 4 years of university to get her a degree in visual arts. And she doesn't particularly want to do that either (she would rather do her own thing). She has a strong interest in online computer imaging- Photoshop etc. She loves photography. Probably graphic art. Film industry stuff. Media. Communications. But those are also all very popular areas and her father is unsure of whether that industry is too saturated nowadays too.

 

 

Very normal in the US for teens & high school grads to have no idea what they want to do! imo, b/c they get very little exposure to the actual working world.

 

What I would do is strongly encourage her to try and gain some experience in the field she is most interested in, via free-lance or volunteer work. This will help her to decide if she truly wants to pursue it as a job, or if it's better left as a hobby. Many people are extremely talented with Photoshop, etc, but doing it on your own, with only your own interests in mind, is quite different than doing it for pay.

 

Take photography as an example. It's not enough to be a talented photographer; you have to be willing and able to deal with clients, contracts, and so forth.

 

Same with graphic design. You have to deal with clients, you have to please someone other than yourself, you have to finish the project by a deadline, and you certainly can't decide the project bores you, so you're going to move on to something else.

 

Doing it as a job is very different than doing it to please yourself, no matter how talented you are.

 

I'd say that graphic design and photography both have possibilities for a teen. She can start with non-paying jobs to gain experience and build a portfolio (but she should treat them as paying jobs, with a contract and deadlines).

 

So many people have personal blogs and websites, and lots of them would welcome advice on how to improve theirs or fix buggy html. Smaller non-profits often have volunteers set up and/or maintain their websites. And few people would turn down a free sitting with a budding photographer.

 

My nephew was about her age when he started to help friends with web design and other computer issues, and before you know it he was getting paid for this or that. He did a fair amount of free-lance in college, and landed a full-time job in graphic design right after graduating. He had an edge on most applicants, because he had already proven himself in many ways.

 

I realize you still have to decide what to do school-wise, but I'd encourage trying to free-lance no matter what. If she shows little interest or never follows through, then you can figure that it's more of a hobby than anything else. If she pursues it with diligence, then I'd find it much easier to support her, pay for special software and classes, etc.

[JennW in SoCal]

I realize you still have to decide what to do school-wise, but I'd encourage trying to free-lance no matter what. If she shows little interest or never follows through, then you can figure that it's more of a hobby than anything else. If she pursues it with diligence, then I'd find it much easier to support her, pay for special software and classes, etc.

 

:iagree:

 

There are many opportunities for an artist with skills and connections, and this is the perfect age to explore and experiment to see what she is most passionate about. It is also a perfect age to start making connections by volunteering her skills and working alongside successful artists. You can't predict what her life might be like, nor can you make any assumptions about the job market. Just take advantage of homeschooling to make these opportunities available.

 

I can tell you that working artists need a broad liberal arts background. Artists who work for movies, games and comics, even those who design theme parks, are called upon to make realistic scenes depicting different cultures and historical eras. They need to have a general knowledge and the skills to research the details that will bring something to life. Most of them are extraordinarily well read and maintain a child-like curiosity about the world. I can tell you this with a degree of certainty because I am married to a comic book artist and his friends work in everything from movies to games to Disneyland.

 

It sounds like you have the perfect situation if she does the work you assign and she can get her social "fix" through outside activities. Sounds too like the current situation will allow the flexibility to really explore photography and other art in depth. My oldest ds was able to devote hours to theatrical lighting throughout his highschool years because of our flexible lifestyle. It is his artistic passion and what he plans to do for the rest of his life.

 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The top reason for having her hone her artistic skills -- she can teach art classes to future homeschool families!! That is a growth industry for sure!:D

[laughing lioness]

What caught my eye when I was reading, then skimming :001_smile: your post....about the art. I was VERY interested in art in h.s. and wanted to be a professional artist. I was throwing and selling pottery, photography, poetry in h.s. and throughout college. My dad did not think that it was worthy of support becasuse "you can't support yourself with art" yet college was expected so I begrugingly went and got a lammo degree. I really wanted to do an internship with a pro potter but it would have been $5K plus room and board at the time- a small price compared to college.

Now, i wished I done it anyway and just taken out the loans myself. I've had several friends who are professional artists who have made from a nice side-income to really, really good money- plus they have very cool houses = ).

[Karen in CO]

I have always aimed my kids towards a university degree, but in the U.S. it is different. So my experience may not really be helpful. But to me, it sounds like you want to keep her at home. You can make the university choice at a later time.

 

My ds, at 15, was only interested in art and video games. Somehow by the time he turned 18, it turned into a realization that he is great at languages, and he loves Japanese. He graduated from high school with no idea what school he wanted to go to although he had been accepted in all he had applied to. He stumbled upon one in Tokyo and fell in love. That is where he is now. He still doesn't know what he wants to do, but he now loves philosophy, art, history, and Japanese although he wants to learn Russian and German when he has mastered Japanese.

 

I want a university degree for my kids, but I don't see a career in a cubicle as success for them. I want them to be able to develop their talents and follow their dreams where ever they lead.

 

If keeping her home this year doesn't close the doors to the universities and it allows her another year to be herself and develop her talents, then that might be the right way to go. Is there a way you can incorporate some TEE "prep" type classes that are similar to what she would have if she did the TEE though correspondence? Waiting a year and doing the bridging course - things will probably look different to you a year from now.

 

Good luck. I think that this "college counselor" as we call it here is the hardest part of homeschooling.

[Catherine]

My ds loves math. But, it is his weakest subject! I don't think that should rule it out, but I wish there was some way for him to be exposed to what people with a math degree actually do for a living. I think it would be very helpful to him in his decision-making.

 

As for your daughter, I think if there's any way to expose her to the actual work people do in art or the creative endeavors she's interested in, it might be helpful to her.

[Janice H]

she already earns $20 an hour because he says she does better than anyone he has previously employed so he insists on an adult wage. She is competent and has good employable qualities- if she enjoys the environment. SO, she is not financially desperate. Maybe things will just be like that for her in her life, anyway.

A fifteen year old with job experience for the resume. I'm impressed.

 

When she becomes an adult, as far as career possibilities go, do not underestimate the worth of being a good salesperson. People who sell IT products, financial products, complex services are highly rewarded in the world. Many of these companies have jobs with international travel.

 

In the non-profit world salespeople work in departments with names like "development", code for fundraising.

 

Rainmakers who work for others or for themselves and do it with integrity, intelligence will always be in demand. And to be candid, good looks are a bonus too.

[Nan in Mass]

The default option for us is liberal arts at university, so there was always that. It didn't look like a particularly good option, though, for some reason which I can't now understand. Things came clear in a year or two, though. I think she might just be too young. At that age, I wouldn't have been able to defend my dreams even against gentle doubts expressed by my parents, so I'm not sure you can assume that she has no "real" dream just because she hasn't stood up for one. You are about at the point where I told my son, "Ok, now you are older things have to be different" and he asked if we couldn't just keep doing what we had been doing. I said ok and we just kept doing things the way we had, and sure enough, in a year or two he had grown up a bunch and was doing the sort of things I had wanted him to do earlier. So maybe just keep doing high school at home aiming at university req's? And keep talking about choosing a career and the sort of education it requires? If you keep talking about it, she will think about it. She may not want to, but she will. And eventually, when she is a bit older, she will probably know what she wants, or at least what she doesn't want. Lots of process of elimination isn't a bad thing GRIN. Make sure you talk about the practical aspects of working, like which jobs require running your own small company and whether she's cut out to do that, and which jobs require that you work inside at a desk, and which jobs require travel, and which working with children, and which working with the injured and sick. You might look at the book What Color Is Your Parachute?. I want mine to have two plans: a what-if-you-have-to-make-money plan and a what-if-you-could-do-something-you-love plan. It is entirely reasonable to have both as long as one of them doesn't require extensive training. Some training or talent is good, because that way people will pay you to do something they can't, but it doesn't have to be huge. Perhaps her make-money plan is already dealt with (accounting) and she can now turn her attention to educating herself just for her own pleasure? With the thought that possibly she can make money in it later if she can find a way? If she has accounting as a fall-back, maybe her father won't mind educating her in art? Maybe it would make sense to see if there is some sort of accounting certificate that wouldn't take much time or effort to aquire? If you lived here, it might make sense for her to do another year at home with you, then go to community college, taking general ed and art and graphic art classes, and work on getting certified in accounting. Then she could continue on to university transfering those general education and art classes and major in whatever she chooses. She would know what sort of university to go to then. It still would be a shorter and financially safer route than most US students take because she'd be certified in accounting in case she couldn't make a go of it in whatever field (like art) she chose to go to uni for, and she'd enter uni half or a third of the way through.

 

Just some thoughts...

Hugs

-Nan

[elegantlion]

Okay I want to be your dd too. She sounds lovely. I do not have a teenager but I remember being 15 and wanting to be artistic and creative and to travel and had no desire to attend college. Unfortunately my parents were practical and had no clue how to handle the wanderlust I felt. I had not a clue what to do with it and bought into the status quo of American suburbia.

 

I thought I would "grow up" and lose the desire to do all those things and become settled. I'm not. I'm 42 and perhaps your post hits me because I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I still want to travel and spend all day creating and it's hard to do with a dh who works 6 days a week and a mortgage, etc.

 

I've been pondering my life for several days and I want to shake every teenager and tell them to really strive for their dreams, that do it while they are young because they may still be dreaming at 42 and from here it looks much harder.

 

Do your universities have study abroad programs? Could she participate in anything like that? I have two nieces that are spending a year in London (originally from the mid-west US). One works with film archives and is helping to restore the films of actual movies.

 

Now I'm rambling, but I hope you can find the spirit of this post.

[Peela]

Anyway, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to not know *everything* about what your dd will be and do five years from now. Keep her options wide open. In the US, that means taking a wide path of general education courses for as long as possible...the "associate's degree" route. Then, maybe when she is 18, she'll have more focus. If not, as an adult, she can work for a year and find her niche.

 

 

Thanks for sharing your story, Lori. Yes, who knows. I cant know yet. I certainly didnt know at 15.

It sounds like lots of people in the U.S. start college with one degree in mind and end up somewhere else. Maybe I need to accept that as a possibility too, and not sorry so much about the fees and the debt and trust it will work out.

[Peela]

 

What I would do is strongly encourage her to try and gain some experience in the field she is most interested in, via free-lance or volunteer work. This will help her to decide if she truly wants to pursue it as a job, or if it's better left as a hobby. Many people are extremely talented with Photoshop, etc, but doing it on your own, with only your own interests in mind, is quite different than doing it for pay.

 

Take photography as an example. It's not enough to be a talented photographer; you have to be willing and able to deal with clients, contracts, and so forth.

 

 

 

Wonderful idea, thanks Katilac. I think its true- playing with Photoshop is very different from having a career in it. She wouldnt have a cule, most likely, what an acutal job in the field would entail. I can help her research that and look into some work experience for her.

[Peela]

:iagree:

 

There are many opportunities for an artist with skills and connections, and this is the perfect age to explore and experiment to see what she is most passionate about. It is also a perfect age to start making connections by volunteering her skills and working alongside successful artists. You can't predict what her life might be like, nor can you make any assumptions about the job market. Just take advantage of homeschooling to make these opportunities available.

 

I can tell you that working artists need a broad liberal arts background. Artists who work for movies, games and comics, even those who design theme parks, are called upon to make realistic scenes depicting different cultures and historical eras. They need to have a general knowledge and the skills to research the details that will bring something to life. Most of them are extraordinarily well read and maintain a child-like curiosity about the world. I can tell you this with a degree of certainty because I am married to a comic book artist and his friends work in everything from movies to games to Disneyland.

 

It sounds like you have the perfect situation if she does the work you assign and she can get her social "fix" through outside activities. Sounds too like the current situation will allow the flexibility to really explore photography and other art in depth. My oldest ds was able to devote hours to theatrical lighting throughout his highschool years because of our flexible lifestyle. It is his artistic passion and what he plans to do for the rest of his life.

 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The top reason for having her hone her artistic skills -- she can teach art classes to future homeschool families!! That is a growth industry for sure!:D

 

Thanks Jennifer. She is a kind of apprentice to her art teacher anyway. But it is narrow- they only work on watercolour. I think she could broaden her horizons by spending time with other artists. She doesnt want to teach art at this point, but that could change.

She is a bit in love with her art teacher- she wants to be just like her. But her art teacher is supported by a wealthy husband, so its not necessarily entirely realistic. Anyway, I think your sugggestions are good, thankyou.

[Peela]

What caught my eye when I was reading, then skimming :001_smile: your post....about the art. I was VERY interested in art in h.s. and wanted to be a professional artist. I was throwing and selling pottery, photography, poetry in h.s. and throughout college. My dad did not think that it was worthy of support becasuse "you can't support yourself with art" yet college was expected so I begrugingly went and got a lammo degree. I really wanted to do an internship with a pro potter but it would have been $5K plus room and board at the time- a small price compared to college.

Now, i wished I done it anyway and just taken out the loans myself. I've had several friends who are professional artists who have made from a nice side-income to really, really good money- plus they have very cool houses = ).

 

Yes, I am more inclined to your kind of thinking, as a part time artist myself (not that I have ever made any money from it, but I did go to art school for a year).

It is possible to do art at TAFE- the technical college. Perhaps some time there would hlep her know whether its where she wants to go.

But I do have an issue with her father. He is dead against it. I think that may be stressing me more than I realised.

[Peela]

 

If keeping her home this year doesn't close the doors to the universities and it allows her another year to be herself and develop her talents, then that might be the right way to go. Is there a way you can incorporate some TEE "prep" type classes that are similar to what she would have if she did the TEE though correspondence? Waiting a year and doing the bridging course - things will probably look different to you a year from now.

 

 

 

I dont think keeping her home closes any doors, and its probably better than jumping into something just for the sake of it. Thats a good idea, doing some TEE prep courses, but se probably doesnt need to do TEE anyway- unless she wants to do medicine, which she didnt when she was 12, but not anymore.

[Peela]

My ds loves math. But, it is his weakest subject! I don't think that should rule it out, but I wish there was some way for him to be exposed to what people with a math degree actually do for a living. I think it would be very helpful to him in his decision-making.

 

As for your daughter, I think if there's any way to expose her to the actual work people do in art or the creative endeavors she's interested in, it might be helpful to her.

 

Yes, I hadnt thought about this much before but I agree its a good idea.

[Peela]

A fifteen year old with job experience for the resume. I'm impressed.

 

When she becomes an adult, as far as career possibilities go, do not underestimate the worth of being a good salesperson. People who sell IT products, financial products, complex services are highly rewarded in the world. Many of these companies have jobs with international travel.

 

In the non-profit world salespeople work in departments with names like "development", code for fundraising.

 

Rainmakers who work for others or for themselves and do it with integrity, intelligence will always be in demand. And to be candid, good looks are a bonus too.

 

I guess thats a possiblity. I thik she could be good at it. I have a prejudice against salespeople, but I guess there is a place for them in the world, too. My son will prboably head that direction.

I think dd would be good at business.

[Peela]

The default option for us is liberal arts at university, so there was always that. It didn't look like a particularly good option, though, for some reason which I can't now understand. Things came clear in a year or two, though. I think she might just be too young. At that age, I wouldn't have been able to defend my dreams even against gentle doubts expressed by my parents, so I'm not sure you can assume that she has no "real" dream just because she hasn't stood up for one. You are about at the point where I told my son, "Ok, now you are older things have to be different" and he asked if we couldn't just keep doing what we had been doing. I said ok and we just kept doing things the way we had, and sure enough, in a year or two he had grown up a bunch and was doing the sort of things I had wanted him to do earlier. So maybe just keep doing high school at home aiming at university req's? And keep talking about choosing a career and the sort of education it requires? If you keep talking about it, she will think about it. She may not want to, but she will. And eventually, when she is a bit older, she will probably know what she wants, or at least what she doesn't want. Lots of process of elimination isn't a bad thing GRIN. Make sure you talk about the practical aspects of working, like which jobs require running your own small company and whether she's cut out to do that, and which jobs require that you work inside at a desk, and which jobs require travel, and which working with children, and which working with the injured and sick. You might look at the book What Color Is Your Parachute?. I want mine to have two plans: a what-if-you-have-to-make-money plan and a what-if-you-could-do-something-you-love plan. It is entirely reasonable to have both as long as one of them doesn't require extensive training. Some training or talent is good, because that way people will pay you to do something they can't, but it doesn't have to be huge. Perhaps her make-money plan is already dealt with (accounting) and she can now turn her attention to educating herself just for her own pleasure? With the thought that possibly she can make money in it later if she can find a way? If she has accounting as a fall-back, maybe her father won't mind educating her in art? Maybe it would make sense to see if there is some sort of accounting certificate that wouldn't take much time or effort to aquire? If you lived here, it might make sense for her to do another year at home with you, then go to community college, taking general ed and art and graphic art classes, and work on getting certified in accounting. Then she could continue on to university transfering those general education and art classes and major in whatever she chooses. She would know what sort of university to go to then. It still would be a shorter and financially safer route than most US students take because she'd be certified in accounting in case she couldn't make a go of it in whatever field (like art) she chose to go to uni for, and she'd enter uni half or a third of the way through.

 

Just some thoughts...

Hugs

-Nan

 

Thankyou Nan.

Yes, I have been thinking about that possibility too and I love the way you have put it- a money making path and a just for the love for it path. Thats kind of where I am being torn for her, and I can relate to it for myself, too. Now that you have put it on epaper, it doenst sound so crazy and it sounds practical. thankyou.

[Peela]

Okay I want to be your dd too. She sounds lovely. I do not have a teenager but I remember being 15 and wanting to be artistic and creative and to travel and had no desire to attend college. Unfortunately my parents were practical and had no clue how to handle the wanderlust I felt. I had not a clue what to do with it and bought into the status quo of American suburbia.

 

I thought I would "grow up" and lose the desire to do all those things and become settled. I'm not. I'm 42 and perhaps your post hits me because I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I still want to travel and spend all day creating and it's hard to do with a dh who works 6 days a week and a mortgage, etc.

 

I've been pondering my life for several days and I want to shake every teenager and tell them to really strive for their dreams, that do it while they are young because they may still be dreaming at 42 and from here it looks much harder.

 

Do your universities have study abroad programs? Could she participate in anything like that? I have two nieces that are spending a year in London (originally from the mid-west US). One works with film archives and is helping to restore the films of actual movies.

 

Now I'm rambling, but I hope you can find the spirit of this post.

 

I do feel the spirit of it and it is definitely my kind of thinking. I want her to follow her dreams. The issue about her father's negativity about it is a bit difficult but Ithink I need to trust my own feelings too. The money for college is an issue- I think- but its miles off.

I tihnk it might be possible to combine Nan's idea of a practical path AND the dream path, without sacrificing either.

thanks for your thoughts, and I agree with your thinking.

[Linda in NM]

My son is following his dream of playing professional hockey; his latest experience at the Michigan State camp seems to indicate that he has a chance (the goalie coach for the university wrote a very positive evaluation for him that encouraged him to continue, and said that he had the ability to make that happen, if he stays with it--a big change from last year's evaluation, which was more ordinary). He's worked very hard this year; we're in the throes of "go to college and play D1 hockey" or "go play hockey for money in Canada at 17 or 18"...it's a difficult choice (he wants to "play for money in Canada"), since he's very good academically (things "come easily" for him). Like others, I didn't follow my dream, opting for practicality instead. We'll see what happens next...